terlepas.

aku senyum.
dia senyum.
dia ikhlas.
aku paksa.
dia kuatkan diri.
aku paksakan diri.
dan akhirnya dia tersungkur.
tetapi
masih senyum.
aku?
masih paksa.


sampai sekarang.
.kebelakang.




post terakhir aku macam ni. tak boleh aku post macam ni. awkward. jadi,

here we go.

i really don't know how to start this. i was thinking maybe a "dear diary i'm very sorry" or "i've been neglecting you a lot" or maybe just a hi. it's not that nothing happens to me, tho in fact, a lot happened. 

working right now, graduating end of september, holiday, raya, puasa, merdeka.. and holiday before puasa. and pd. 

you know i was very stupid when i said last year i think i can't go down anymore because i thought things are at their worst, and it should start getting better, but it did not. so i'm not going to be such a dumbass to write this, but this year, sucks. suckier than last year. last year was better. at least i've got Penang. and PD. and it was not until this may or june or july i only knew what i believe since last year, was all bullshits.

and it's not helping me at all. 

last year i remember that raya was a bit happier, a bit more happening compared to this year. sorry, i mean, a lot. i didn't even send any single soul selamat hari raya. thus i'm taking this opportunity to say that i'm really sorry, and i'd be happier if i send raya greeting, even if it's via sms. lagilah kad raya. sigh.

i finished my study at utm on may. or wassit june? idk. i kinda missed the campus life to be honest. free, studying in kl, hanging around with friends, dinner with friends, yada yada.. it was fun, really, really fun. but funny things tho, right now, working, earning money on your own effort, i felt that i wouldn't want to stop. hell, if there's a vacancy for permanent position, maybe i'll grab it. 

plus, when you're working, all of your energy is focused on your works, and you spent more time with papers and casses than your family, and your laptop, or your handphone. work, have become a distraction. a good distraction, away from what i think as my harsh unacceptable life. 

well at least last year teaches me not to put your hopes high enough, because the higher you place your hope, the lower you'll be once it started to eat you up. again.

i mean i don't know why i still continue to put my faith in the same thing that betrayed me over and over and over again. would you put yours at something or someone that has repeatedly cheating you? have you ever had the heart to start believing again, not once, but countless time? and that's not even metaphorically. i bet once you feel cheated, you'll stop believing and start moving on, why bother at things that you can't trust anymore right?

also, i learnt to stop thinking that i'll find a really good friend, or close friend, or buddies, or whatever. frankly, everyone will leave you eventually, it's just a matter of time. so i'd better start labelling my friends as colleague, or classmates, or whatever. maybe that's a safer choice. i think. 

last year thought me to be a pessimist. well for a pessimist, i'm pretty optimist now. 

at least this year i can blew off my steam with some fictions, though i can't see when i'm going to write again, same goes to this blog, as i'm working right now. 

and at least this year's ramadhan was.. special, compared to last year. 

yesterday, i was typing half way when somebody called me, so we chatted a bit, and after consulting and asking her opinions, she said it'd be better if i kept it to myself. maybe. so i scraped it in the draft folder. tho i had a perfect title for it; stranger things have happened to me.

i don't know what else to talk about. oh and my kancil.. same old story. budget for her treatment will go to my bro's car or my sis's car, or my mum's i think. i feel like crying to be honest, i can't do a thing for her eventho she's been helping me, she's there to help me or whatever, when i was down, when i was sad, when people lied to me, when.. whatever. you guys get the idea right? it's the same thing over and over again.

this year, if everything goes well, i'll go to edinburgh. maybe after that to paris or spain. with my own money. so i should stop complain about work and start to gather all my strength and energy, and start doing work nicely. 

it's funny, seeing how i treated august as my last month of the year and september where life started again. 

slurpee and sunset.

Bayangkan waktu kau tengah hilang arah, kau hilang tumpuan, ibarat semua benda dah mula berpaling dari kau, menolak kau melawan arus.

Dan bila kau sedar kau makin terdesak, kau lakukan apa saja yang kau fikir kau nak buat.

Bila emosi mengatasi minda, bila jiwa membentak, bila kau terdesak, apa yang kau boleh campak? Apa yang aku buat, aku ikut kata hati. Hati aku bukanlah bersih mana pun. Kotoq bukan main. Bermasaalah. Tak boleh ikut lojik lagu nasyid yang selalu aku dengaq zaman muda-muda.

"Pandangan mata selalu menipu,

Pandangan mata selalu tersalah,

Pandangan nafsu selalu melulu

Pandangan hati itu yang hakiki,

Kalau hati itu bersih."

So kategori bersih tu aku rase depends ah, ada cakap xsemestinya kau sentiasa buat baik hati kau bersih, tak semestinya kau jahat kau hati kotor. Ah, biaq lah. Bukan tu apa yang aku nak habaq kat hangpa.

Bayangkan, semua benda yang mengusutkan aku taim tu, hilang. Macam susu. Apesal susu? Entah.

12 April, 2011. Aku dah buat keputusan. Waktu tu jugak aku pi. Pi pantai. Ada pilihan, antara Kuantan dengan PD. Aku pilih PD. Sebab? Dah biasa. Lagipun aku bukan nak pi meronda-ronda dekat sana. Pi nak tengok pantai, laut ja. Kalau pi Kuantan hang sesat kang. Tak ka gila.

Jadi aku pergi sana, ikut Semenyih. Huih. Sumpah jaoh. Sebab pa aku pilih Semenyih? Sebab dekat kawasan tu aku bet Papa takdak spy-spy. Payah sikit kalau mana-mana ja hangpa pi ada orang habaq kat bapak hangpa. Naik bas loncat, entah berapa jam dalam bas tu. Tau tau dekat Seremban dah. Lega. Tukaq bas, naik pi PD pulak.

Dekat PD tu, sampai dalam pukul 3. Naik teksi sampai dekat pantai, area pantai bulan? Entah, lupa. Jalan kaki sampai dekat roundabout, nak menghala ke arah teluk kemang.

Sampai dekat sana, around pukul 5. Tapi terik lagi matahari. Apa lagi, bawak keluaq kamera la, start nak tangkap gambaq. Sad to say is I forgot I left my Diana at home, too busy this semester to snap pictures, buy films etc etc. So I borrow Adib's Nikkon instead. I pretty much used to it so I think it's quite okay. Plus Adib totally cool bout it. Thanks!

But there was little to none interesting subjects to snap around. It was weekday, and the stalls alongside the beach, more than 100 stalls I think, only 10 were opened. It was, very, very quite.

Good for me, bad for the camera. Was sitting around when I saw a beautiful couple. Asked their permission to take pictures, but they only allowed me to publish the non-close up pics. I'm okay with that.

So yeah. She's okay - okay lah for me, but the guy is quite jambu. With a dragon tattoo on his right shoulder. Weird.

But soon afterwards some people started to go enjoy the sea water, so I decided to joined them! Memang sexcited gila babs. The water is quite warm for my liking, but still it was enjoyable, maybe I was too excited to care about that.

Notice a family of three enjoying the beach. Grab the camera and snap some pics.

His name is Alif if I'm not mistaken.

Yeah, random shot.

One thing I always did when I went to beach is hermit crab! Was lucky to get one inside the water but it was difficult, with the waves and stuff, so it slipped and din manage to take a picture of him. sad.

But fear not! I got myself a replacement!

I think they're quite cute to be honest.

And last and not the leastttttt. The sky. Ah. I was a bit upset tho it was going to rain. The sun was setting, but the cloudy weather doesn't help at all. It's getting dark, and I was afraid I can't get a place to sleep at night, and raining sucks, I can't walk, it's hard getting a taxi and stuff. So I decided it was the end of my journey. Pretty much. Was pretty upset, but heck, I'll take it, better than nothing!

p/s to those who notice the title post, know why slurpee and sunset? i was pretty much back in my memory lane all the way to pd and back at kl.

and if you knew, yeah, most of the story was fiction. 50, or 55%.

preparations

follow up post.

okay, i've decided. dear papa mama, i won't going home this weekend. dear abang, happy birthday, but i'm afraid i won't be there to celebrate your birthday. dear kakak, don't be so depressed, abang is going to take you to the national science center this weekend. dear silent readers, please by all mean, don't tell my parents about this.

so i'm going to have a very very long walk. i'm not using kancil. easily recognized. half-way, spotted, i'm dead. i'll be using public transport.

meaning i'll be solely relying on my ipod. going to charge it up, and fill it with endless list of songs.

my backpack will contain.. i don't know. torch light? figure it may take a night or two. t-shirts, shorts, toothbrush.. what else.

shoes? nah, will be using my trusty pair of crocs kot. and shud bring a pair of slippers, just in case.

should i bring charger too? for my handphones? or perhaps i shudnt bring my handphones at all. its not like it's going to ring anyway.

oh my earphone just died. sigh. gonna buy a new one first.

should i bring camera too? will it be my diana, or someone else's ? is adib going to lend me his? going to ask him, but afraid he won't. tsk tsk. dah lah ada flash baru, confirm lah cannot let go. but well, it's gonna be worth to try. i take back my words, dslr does not sucks. :P

but din bringing a dslr is going to pose a greater risk, esp when you're all alone? it'll going to stand out a bit, and i can't risk someone else's camera.. seems like i have to rely on my trusty diana f+!

lessee.. what else? charger for my ipod? meaning i have to bring along my laptop. i guess not, i have to make sure my backpack is light to make myself at ease. this is malaysia, not like other country, where you can backpack with lesser risk of getting robbed. gonna make myself agile a bit, so i can save my energy for my running!

and the most important thing is.. when? idk, i can go today if i really want to.. yes i'm that desperate. it's not like anyone is going to tag along..

more or less. going to google a bit here and there, and make up my mind.

kaseh ; (mati itu pasti)

Biar bertahun
kian mengalir
Esok kan jadi mimpi
Keresahan ini pasti
Dahaga merindu takkan kembali
Semoga di hatimu teringat melodiku
Kerlipan bintang menjadi bukti

Kali terakhir kunyatakan kepadamu
Sayang kamu, sehingga kini
Hadirmu warnakan mimpi
Saban hari kau sayangi
Tak mungkin hilang
Kaseh

Siang berlalu
Malam berakhir
Bangunlah dari mimpi
Keresahan ini pasti
Dahaga merindu takkan kembali
Semoga di hatimu, teringat iramaku
Impianmu kan menjadi pasti

Kali terakhir kunyatakan kepadamu
Sayang kamu, sehingga kini
Hadirmu warnakan mimpi
Saban hari kau sayangi
Tak mungkin hilang
Kaseh

Jajahan Bintang

Hujan oh hujan
Bilakah akan berhenti ?
Ini bukan
Lukisan yang ku termimpi

Tapi pabila ku cuba lagi
Langit ku lihat hujan berhenti
Lainnya rasa…

Jajahan bintang ini
Tak berseri, tiada lagi
Sinaran bulan itu
Aku jemu, hanya kamu
Lengkapi malam, hari, sanubari

Tiada lagi gelora melanda di hati
Jangan menangis sayang
Semoga bersama di hari
Daku kembali…

Jajahan bintang ini
Tak berseri, tiada lagi
Sinaran bulan itu
Aku jemu, hanya kamu
Lengkapi malam, hari, sanubari

Tiada lagi….

crap : imagination

Imagination

Sometimes it helps. Always it backfired.

It helps when you lost, or you don't remember things, or you have works to do, or you planning your future.

It kills when the curiosity + something bad happens to your friends and you were there to imagine things.

-I'm a person who loves to read things, and when someone tells their sadness, or happiness, which leaves a person that have high imagination like me imagining things, and suppose it's not a very good thing, such as death, reading the description of that person, the story, history, memory, it will eventually make me remember mine.

And i can't help but to continue reading, and then imagine. And after that, a few flashbacks come whoosh and swooof, and next thing i know is I was already there. And I'll stuck there, all night long, trapped by the memories, feeling guilty, or whatsoever. Will escaped by the sound of my alarm, handphone or the ray of the sunlight.

That's my imagination level. Sometimes your 'extra extra' is something you wish to get rid of.

And this is my first random of the year yay o/

so long, so long.

music : Yume no Tsubomi - Remioromen
mood : excited jugak la. boring tho

hais, long time no update. haha. i updated it coz dah masuk UTM balik. orz
so here comes the boring-er life. more boring-er than before! why? well. now its officially only 10 ppl in my course. yep. 2DDZ cuma ada 10 orang. 10 PEOPLE FOR GAWD SAKE. ape yang nak dilihat dengan 10 orang je? balik2 muke same. well its not like im saying that 10 orang yg membosankan, tapi lagi membosankan dari then previously 19 people, last sem.

so now, the survivors is Burn, Adib, Dekan, Me, Didi, Nazrul, Dila, Izzaty, Qiba, and Fiqa. 6 guys 4 girls. well the only good thing happens is, JUNIOR! yay-ness! banyak girls yg cute xD some good looking, ade gak yang sombong-looking, so yeaahh. and guys. well. muke bebaik. ade gak muke skema. ade gak muke samseng. haha. well to sum up, 1DDZ 2009/2010 is 29. (x termasuk 2nd intake >_>) punyaaa la ghamai manusia. huih. bole buli senior la derang ni. D:

well tu kampus. now to the kolej life. pak guard is so shite. shite shite shite. mengade2. i tell you guys bout out new pak guard. yesterday me, bob and raf pegi anta my stuff at my room. nak masuk kolej tu, as usual, i flash my matrix card, but the pak guard suruh bawak turun tingkap. he took the matrix card and ask me,
"Sekarang ni tahun 2 sem 1 la kan?" I nod. then dia cakap
" Bagus, bagus. Tapi kan, tali dah ade, cume awak x reti menggunakan nya. " =_=; so i replied
"Em, nnt saya pakai." Coldly. tch. kecoh ah. then dia usha2 jap, pastu
"Emm.. rambut awak ni, agak -" "Xpe, nnt saye potong sket kat blakang tu. anything else?" slambe je aku potong.
"oh, jalan, jalan. "
and denga cte ade budak kene saman sebab cume tunjuk je kad matriks, x gantung. wtf? 25 ringgit do. byk tuu. haiyo. dulu tunjuk je, jalan. sng.

well enough about my college + campus life. to my holidays

SANGAT PUAS HATI. i mean, xla puas hati sangat. rasa malas sgt nak masuk college life balik. dah le ppl reduced to 10 ppl. hais.

pegi tgk Transformers tgah2 malam bute. xDDD got some fight with rafique, well, malas nak detail, but enough to make me scream at the middle of KL-PUTRAJAYA highway xDD turun kereta, ajak bob turun, then scream like hell xDD sampai hilang sore u.u; but agak sedih. well anyhow. malam tu kat pavvy ade jumpe lambo! x3 so i dared bob,
"Bob, pegi mintak izin tgkp gamba lambo tu." and he cooly walk and ask his permission
"Well why not! Go on, take ur time!" OMGGGGGG. so ktorang pun tgkp2 le gamba xDD then AWESOMELY, the owner said
"Bukak la pintu tu, jgn malu2" I almost CANT BELIEVE MY EARS XDDD so ktorang (me and bob) tried to bukak the door

"eh bob, x leh pun bukak."
"dh ah kau kecik, tepi ah.

eh, x leh bukak ah"
=_=

"Tak boleh bukak ke? jap eh" The owner, pergi kat pintu tu and slowly bukak the door
"Kenapa amik this side? amik la the driver side~"
"Er, xpe la, kat sini pun jadi la" u.u;

memang la xboleh bukak pintu, tangan menggeletar kot xDDD
and everything went back to normal. so that is one of those amazing nights xP

next is on 2nd July, Rafique tanya about that saturday, 4th july, whether im free or not, i said, sure, why?
"Nak buat bday party sof, Im ajak"
oh okaay. jum jum jum

and later Friday, everything macam x jadik. so I persuade suruh go on jugak, bile lagi nak buat, even sue and bob nak datang. And Raf pun setelah satu petang aku bebel die, suruh Im go on jugak.

So that Saturday, ktorang meet at Secret Recipe Rawang at 8.40 pm, sambil tunggu "main course", Sofhatun Nur. XD then I tot about one thing. kalau kite lepak kat dalam, tunggu Sof masuk, x surprise laarrrr. So I told Sue, and Im suruh keluar dulu, menyorok mane2 dulu, tunggu Sof datang (Mak die hanta, subahat ngan ktorang xD) and surprise her.

Sof masuk, tgah2 pilih kek tu. then..
1,2,3 Happy Bday to youu~~

Sof muke xleh blah. muke WTH. xD
egt x jadi dah. pastu slowly muke tu berubah.
jadi muke ;_;
then T.T
then TTOTT

xDDD
memang menangis gile2 la! XD
rase bersalah but yeah. dh buat dh pun. xD so duduk je, tunggu sof sme duduk, then tgk ape jadi. later sambil tunggu tu order la makanan, and snap some pictures xP later we went to runah sof untuk makan kek. and the surprise party dragging till 12 am xD besoknye diuploadkan lah sme gambar2 tu, and mostly Raf and Im dapat credit. well thanks to them la everything went okay and menjadi. and raf saying that dia lah yg buat sof menangis, and dialah yg buat surprise tu btol2 jadi. well kalau tunggu kat dlam SR tu xde la sampai sof menangis kot, but well, im just another random person thinking some random stuff and saying my idea, other ppl got the credit. well its not like i care sooo much bout that, just my rants xD

i don't care as long as people having that much fun. i don't care if im being credited, its not like i do that for the sake of *look, aizat yg buat ni. hebat la aizat! u are so awesome!* and stuff. i did it for my friends, biar have fun. kalau x pi buat malam tu (the original plan was doing it like, 2 weeks after her bday, WTF?) and kalau i x persuade Raf suruh buat that night, memang.. fill in the blank xD well ignore this part people xDD this is just some random thoughts.

oh and my lappie dh start buat prob. cannot read dvd/cd U_U baru beli balik dvd HIStory MJ.

oh and yeah. Micheal Jackson. addcited since 4y.o kot. hahaha. tgk TAPE HIStory die tu everytime balik kampung XD. now that hes gone baru sme org cari2 balik. well including me. haha. so rest in peace. may Allah bless you.

music and lyrics

mood : like always, bored.
music: Silent Is Easy - Starsailor

haha. i made some lyric. wanna see? its superbly done. xP

One Tonight

I don't need all the things
I'd rather live with nothing
I even don't mind not to go to Avenged Sevenfold concert
Or having the chance to be a team mate with Wazza~
'Cause I only been dreaming
Of dreaming and loving

[Chorus]
Tonight I'll be with you
We'll be together no matter what
Even all those b****** there to stop us
We'll make it through together!!

The night when I found you
At the lake, at the concert
I don't need to watch the Children of Bodom concert
Or having the chance to date Maya Karin~
'Cause I only been dreaming
Of dreaming and loving..

Tonight I'll be with you
We'll be together no matter what
With or without PS3 or PSP-GO
We'll make it through together!!

Yes it's true I spent the other night with Kancil
But believe me, neither Kancil or Savvy is good enough for you!

Tonight I'll be with you
We'll breakthrough the starry night
To Side-6 or Lunar, I don't mind
We'll make it together forever!!

And even 1 on 1 with a Level 25 Motred the Phantom Assassin,
As long as we stay together,
Even Char Aznable is an absolute noob in front of us
Those enemy of us, whoever that'll stop us,
We'll annihilate, assassinate, eliminate!!!

[Guitar solo by Alexi Laiho + Snyster Gates]

I need you..
We'll be as one..
Tonight.. [Backup singer: Ohh~ ohh~]

[Pause]
[A 3 second drum solo]

Lalalalalala

Oh UNICORN GUNDAM, I need you..
We are one, tonight..

*ends*

hah. how awesome was that? XDD
i even shed tears of manliness when i wrote the lyrics ;_;
actually i don't have any idea what to write u.u;
so don't blame me Intan, sape suh kau suh aku cpat2 update u_u

anyway, the outing on this Sunday is postponed to next Sunday.
haih, sof, sue and ariffin is kinda busy
Rafique too, just finished his final
so yeah.
nvm, im still looking foward this 21st! XD

other than that hmm..
Intan is planning for a outing in PD next sem
blom bukak sem dh ajak gi PD =_=
die baru realize yg PD tu actually bersih xDD
dh bgtau dh kat Jieba, tapi drang xmo caye.
well, w/e it is, mane2 pun, aku x kesah, janji dpat kluar :D
haha XD

and oh yeah.
RONALDO IS GOING TO MADRID!!!!!!!
COME ON 90 MILLION EURO!!!!!!!!!!
SAF, GO BUY RIBERY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

football today is so awesome. u_u;

Know Your Enemy

music : See The Light - Green Day

mood : random

im not very happy. im not sad. what ppl call this feeling hm. em. 

ANXIOUS.

sebab laptop member2 aku dh kene tibai. oh noes. my preeecccciooousss lappie. eventho sgt er. menarik dgn sticker2 yg aku dapat dari gigs gigs di Kuala Lumpur, aku still syg die. peneman aku tatkala aku x leh tidoq. 

salleh ilang laptop. hisyam pun. satu bilik die kene rompak. kamera semi-slr (kalau x salah) pun kene tibai. dude. sryslar. then suddenly ck datang bgtau yg roomate die punye coursemate ilang 3 laptop! <- walau. ni mmg kes aniaya nih. bahaye. bahaye.

Green Day dh release new album! it's called 21st Century Breakdown. bagi aku album ni best best best dan best! First single die Know Your Enemy dh kuar lam radio2 di Malaya nih. tp tp, tga tade duit so sorry lar. later beli.

ah. last 2 weeks sgt sgt sgtla penat. dan best. cambest! like ive said, spending time with your friends is the best way u spend ur time! XD we took pictures like everywhere! KLCC, KBU, even in Emerald. and lotsssssssssss of pictures. more like 350+ pictures. gile. puassss do.

and later we planned about gathering or smthng. im not sure whether its reunion or what, but what i can tell u maybe we'll be going to Penang. we MIGHT drive cars. konvoi. maybe Rafique will drive his father's Naza Ria, or Sofhatun's Alphard. then menginap di rumah nenek sue slame 3 hari, then pegi Aloq Setaq pulak ke. ohh. u want to know why we choose Penang and Aloq Setaq instead of Cherating or Pangkor or Redang? Because Sofhatun Nur Binti Datuk Subhi (x silap dh dpat Datuk Seri omg) x dapat permisi nak pergi dekat dgn laut. D: well anyhow nnt dkat Penang curi2 gak la gi laut hahaha XD

oh ya bout me. well nothing new. eh jap. ade ade. im not using that N70ME lagi dah. dah tukaq. im using SE K850i. sgt. sgt. pelik. D: aku x suke taip gune keypad die as%#$sd!%Rfcs. kenape x pakai N70ME tu dh?

sebab die ilang. wuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu.

penat penat aku kumpul duit T.T

paw junior2 aku T.T

tuntut utang2 aku T.T

kumpul duit dekat 4 bulan tu beb! ;_;

aku sayang dekat hp tu *sobsob*

ade msg2 dedulu. aku x delete pun lagi. sbb leh bace. bile bosan. kenang kembali. sengih sorg2. dari 2000 lebih inbox msgs, 1000 msg aku x leh delete. hais. saje. 

pastu ade gambaq lama2. contact aku jgn cite ah. ramai gile kot. anyways kepade sesiape yg bace ni, sile la intro balik diri anda dengan bg msg dkat no lame tu kthanks.

oh yah. Manchester United belasah Arsenal 3-1. wee.

Glory glory Man United~ As The Reds goes marching on! ON!! ON!!!11

programming. graphic. photoshoot.

si raf msg. gtau sof ngan elin ajak keluar. ler. maxis buat hal lak. raf bengkek sebab x reply. sorry la. gi marah ananda krishnan tu. 

bob lak call pkul 1 pg lebih. tade keje. nasib agak tak baik sebab tga main dota. nasib baik sbb x tdoq lagi. nasib x baik sbb tga main dota. 

yg x besnye. derang nak buat gathering tu this sunday. dude. ade paper graphic kott. damn. tp x pe la. membe nye hal, pas paper graphic tu trus grak gi sane.

then alang alang nak buat gathering, baik buat photoshoot terus. malas tunggu lama lama. lepas gian sikit. hahaha

jumaat kertas Programming. aku, x de mood nak blaja. damn. god please, bagi la semangat yg slalu diberikan waktu final2. haih. 

dan ini cume random babbling from me, atas sbb malas blajar tapi bosan gile. 

match Manchester United malam nih. :) 

good luck Rooney. score eh malam ni. kau score aku study k? :D

thats all~

Mend A Broken Heart

mood: sleepy
music: Stand By Me - Ben E. King

have you ever clean up ur deskie? or lappie. well have you? if u did, bet u'll find old pics. eventho its not THAT old, but by staring at the pic alone enough to make u wanted to find other old pics. some event that took place around 3-4 years back, and stuff. those pictures of yer classmates, friends, exes, etc. it'll take some times , around hour or two just to remember back what happen when the moment captured. then u'll smile, or u'll feel sad, maybe u'll feel puzzled, "Why did he make me cry?" and stuff. last skali? dah pukul 10. which meannn. i don't sleep. again. hais.

ah, maybe i fed up. again. thats why im changing the template. i'll change again, but not in the nearest weeks. exam, and yadayadayada. ive explained all in the last post. so scroll down, dude. and why does i still felt those annoying feeling? satu perasaan. satu sensation. yang sgt unpleasant. lonely, bored, sad. those stuff. yknow. but wellll. i shud know that it'll be a matter of time before things reset to normal. kan? so sabar la k

suddenly rase cam byk sgt bende nak beli. nak beli lampu ntuk kancil, nak psp, nak ipod, iphone, nokia 5800, ps3, wireless modem, deskie, lens.. and the list goes on =_= abg and kakak always bragging bout their stuff, like

"Abg punya belt ni 50+ tau dak?" "Still x leh celen kakak punya kasut, 400+" "Ahh! Abg punya kasut pun around tu gak!" "Beg LV kakak 2500." "Abg punya jam rolex (papa kasi) pun around harga tu gak!" "Eh, egt abg je ade rolex? (mama kasi)"

those rich bastards. XXX>_____________> gado cam budak2 sal bende kecik2 cmtu. semua start bila abg ckap kblkangan ni dia asek nak beli baju baru. kakak ckap nk bli kasut baru. I admit, i have one Bvlgari, tapi jarang pakai. gila, nak pakai ngan jersey? and yeah, my fashion sense is not as good as urs, thank you. plus i dun ave PTPTpu. so no extra moneyh. wey, i wan to show off also laaaaa!

crack the shutters.

mood : studystudystudystudystudystudy
music : Anugerah Terindah Yang Pernah Ku Miliki - Sheila On 7

terus terang lar cakap kan, aku mmg tak dengar lagu2 indon/mainstream.
tapi bile aku tekan all song kat Media Player, aku ter-random lagu ni.
SHEILA ON 7??? sesat.
bila dengar2 balik, baru teregt camne leh sesat masuk lam Archive aku yang lagu2 around 200++ tuh.

Lagu ni selalu berkumandang tatkala aku tga berjalan mengikut barisan ke arah kelas CB6. Yaa. PLKN. Masuk2 terus dga lagu ni, nampak ade satu basket penuh dgn bola yang ade biji biji kat dalam die. Dan Cikgu Asnida (if im not mistaken) + Cikgu Ayu tga tunggu, then automaticly aku pergi ambil nametag aku kat nametag kumpulan aku. (SIX), (STARZ). Then ktorang akan practice juggle. Hoo. Juggle itu susah beb. Nampak camdoh, ble buat, rase mcam orang bodoh juggle. Memang jahil gile menjuggle. Sambil tunggu rakan2 sekelas lain masuk.

Then tukar lagu lain. Lagu Hijau - Zainal Abidin. Sambil2 tu kalau dah fed-up asek bola tu terpelanting kene group lain ke, lenguh pinggang kutep ke (ye, juggle berdiri fyi) Cikgu Nida akan ajak menari. Maka menari lah kami. Macam budak-budak. Macam budak-budak? haah. aku agree. mmg segan gle. tapi after 10 days, aku dah biase jadi budak-budak kat tadika. Berjoget, gelak2, guleng2, mmg best larh. Habis lagu Hijau, ade lagu orchestra nih, tapi bunyi die amat saspen, slame 10 saat jer. Tanda pintu nak tutup dah. Sape lambat, FULL LORENG. wahaha. eh ape yang chuak nye kalau kene FULL LORENG? Padahal tu la perkataan a.k.a command yang paling ktorang se daye upaye elak.

FULL LORENG - berpakaian Uniform Kawad Lengkap, berjemur di padang kawad bermula pukul 12 tgahari. Duration? Bergantung kepada apa jenis kesalahan yang anda lakukan. Kalau kene seminggu, jawabnye dengan baju tu lar anda akan berlari 3 km pada awal pagi, baju tu lar anda akan bermain di petang hari, baju tu juga anda akan pakai untuk solat 5 waktu sehari semalam. Gempak. AWESOME.

Aku, bukan nak bangge. cewah. Tapi aku tak pernah kene hahahahaha. Even Ketua Keseluruhan a.k.a yang akan bagi command kat semua squad (Alpha, Bravo, Charlie, Delta) pun pernah merasa. Aku CLEAN SHEET. walau pernah bertumbuk dan bergado antara dorm. Aku berjaya melarikan diri di saat warden2 OTW nak spoilkan pertarungan tu, dan semestinya membuat dormmate aku jealous gile. Nasib tak mengkantoikan aku. Sebab kalau tak, derang lak kantoi merokok oleh aku. haha

Well kelas CB tu mmg cam budak-budak. Tulis impian, gune magic pen, ade buku disediakan, ade aktiviti berkumpulan, menyanyi, berjoget, etc etc. Tapi lambat laun aku rase best. Sbb all the time starting 9 am till 2 pm ktorang bergelak je. bergurau sakan. menganjing. etc etc. Padahal dalam hati masing2 rase nak sangat balik. Lagi2 aku kat TERENGGANU beb. Aku rindu mp3 aku. tiap2 malam mp3 yang ada cuma berbunyi di sebelah katil anda sahaja. Kadang best, kadang garau, kadang sumbang, pitching lari. Biase lar, cover song ape. Janji ade entertainment.

Petang Jumaat tu, confirm ramai gle beratur kat plug2 yang ade kat dorm. Pukul 3 je, semue gi Dewan Makan, menuntut HANDPHONE. Waktu paling happening. Semue scramble, lari sane lari sini, terus call sane, call sini, mcm2 bunyi ade waktu On Handphone tu. msg masuk. haha. Patu mula la Acara Pecut 200M Lelaki. Menuju ke arah plug2. Masing2 nak charge hp. Pastu melepak kat katil orang2 yang ade kat situ. Sembang. Gelak2. Pastu sunyi. semue konsentret kat hp masing2. Yela, malam Sabtu kene pulang balik hp tu. Srys weh, malam Sabtu tu, semue kalau boleh nak antar paling lambat, termasuk lah aku. Ade yang menangis. aku pulak sanggup call orang lol. Saje menganggu die dan aku sangat kebosanan. Dia pun terpaksa layan aku haha. Malam tu maxis stuck! msg takleh masuk, susah nak call orang. gile. Maka habis sabtu tu, habis la hari minggu kitorang. Terus sulky balik hari Ahad tu.

Kalau bosan weekdays buat ape? em ade satu trend ni. awal2 takde. masuk 2nd month, penuh! Iaitu HANTAR SURAT. Yeah, back to basic babes. angkara hp tade. surat pengubat rindu. malam-malam tu ade la yang melepak kat luar, bace surat bawah pokok la, konon privacy! tak takut pun walau pukul 2 pg. Tulis-tulis surat, ade corak sane, corak sini. Pelangi beb. pastu kalau tade idea mule la menanye member sebelah. Die pun ape lagi, cukup suke. Walaupun baru je bangun tidur, terus keluar ayat gile bes. mcam tulis novel punye ayat! Si Posmen lak untung. Dapat upah maksimum Burger Ayam Double Cheese. Minimum dapat pahala je lar, tapi slalunye dapat RM1. but still untung pe. Aku la antara posmen2 nih haha.

Oh well tu la antara ape yang aku bebel untuk 2 minggu nih. PLKN stuff. Eventho tade kene mengene langsung, tapi aku nak cakap gak. Tah tetibe nak cakap sal ni.
Aku tga online kat Library. Kene research tu, ni. + study Logic. Dah tepu dengan ilmu Logic, aku beralih ke blog pulak.

Oh ya. MANCHESTER MENANG LAWAN INTER MILAN.
Glory glory Man United~ Glory glory Man United~ As The Reds goes marching On! On! On!!

zetsubou shita!! "OTL

siot.
aku nak pegi gak gathering tu.
tapi tak leh pegi >_>
tak dapat pegi >_>
balik kampung
for what?
NUTHIN'.
OTZZZZZZZZ
and they having funnnnn DDDDDDDDDDDD:
NOT FAIRRRRRRR

Permission

music : Warm Cherry House - Laila's Lounge
mood : restless

aku setat post aku kali ini ngan perkataan yang agak emo dan keterlaluan sket.
fuck.bhabi. dan yg swaktu dgannye.
eh dh lame aku tak mencarut eh?
bagus bagus
skang ni la time yg paling sesuai untuk aku mencarut.
harap maklum

FIRST-ly
bz. bz x kne time.
isnin je dah quis.
slase pun quis.
argh. x logik x logik
nape PUAN MERCY TRINOVIANTY MULYADI TAK BERFIKIRAN LOGIK????!!!!11111
2 hari berturut2 quis. lagi x logik die x ajar langsung bab tu.
mmg x logik.
sdgkan subjek tu LOGIC digital.
dh abes quis slase, ade quis math lak rabu.
mcm fuck.
sme aku lupe gare gare logic tu.
bukan quis je, asaimen x hengat dunie die bg.
MERCY HANYA PADA NAMA.
rabu aku lucky sket
sbb test bahasa melayumath tu agak kacang
so aku expect leh dpat 10/10
so lege ah sket
then khamis pulak ade test.
kali ni chappie 4.
yang die tak pernah ajar.
WTF LA WEI. TAK YAH NGAJA LA KALAU STAKAT MINTAK KEHADIRAN
pastu sesedap oren je die tuka jadual die ke depan
ke awal pagi maksud aku
so isnin sampai khamis kelas aku start pkul 8 pagi smpai 5 ptg.
dan nak ke kampus, kene naik bas pukul 7,
sbb jem mngambil masa satu jam nak sampai kampus.
sepanjang isnin slase rabu khamis tu tido aku tak cukup.
stadi nye pasal.
sampai nak update blog ni pun x smpat
sian sofhatun, dh janji ngan die nak upload vid Yuna wktu kat Youth 09 tuh

2nd-ly, protest aku dekat family aku
ya, ianya berterusan kembali.
malas nak cite, sorry.

dan aku punya la bz
sampai lupe bende yg buat aku excited cam budak kecik
scrapbook SPAM iNC khas ntuk ill3h a.k.a our MAMA!
die nak kahwin so.. u_u
well aku tlupe sal tu
when suddenly amal msg ari khames tuh
dah la bz gile babs, tmbh ngan scrapbook project lak orz
+ tade idea nk bwat pe
well to cut long story short
ari khamis tu lah aku setelkan sme bende, cari gamba, dl gamba, print gamba, potong, tampal
tinggal nak antar.
so aku pegi la jalan ke rumah amal
nampak dekat, act jao gile babs.
sial lan tol
DAN DIE TADE KAT UMAH, GI JUSCO >_>
so aku pun pegi ah smbung keje aku kat klcc haha u.u
pukul 8 40 lak tuh 8Db
then around 9.30 die dh balik rumah
so gi bg kat die orz
act malas nak tunggu lame2 sbb nk cpat, nk relax abes2
so taruk ah mnatang tu dpan lift u_u
tp well, sbb pnat aku duduk gak dpan tu orz
dan amal yg aku agak kebosanan pun lepak kat ctu
lpas pakse die naik 2-3 times u.u;
aku membebel ape tah kat die U_U;
well aku.. rase relieved
dan aku dh ubah pandangan aku kat amal
aku egt die dah despise aku gile gile bhabi dah
sbb aku tah cammane slalu buat die emosi
walaupun x bermaksud
well malam tu aku rase mungkin aku kott yg fikir truk sgt kott
kott
so aku pulang lah dgn hati yg clear sket
tp aku sampai pukul 11.45 kat kolej >____>
gile ah
berjuta-juta lemon of thanks, oujo.

random #1

//here is where ill put some random things//

it was in mid 1997 if im not mistaken
9, Jalan Negeri Sembilan Selatan, Federal Hill
menjadi kelaziman untuk aku main basikal ptang ptang
dulu adalah abang nak meneman
pergi pusing pusing satu bukit tu.
well Jalan Negeri Sembilan Selatan ni actually satu roundabout
yg kat tgah2 die byk rumah
so kami akan pusing satu kawasan tu lar
hari tu abang takde.
die gi sekolah
standard 2 kat Sekolah Sultan Hishamuddin Alam Shah sesi ptg.
i cycled alone.
then someone called my name
its Atiqah, my neighbour.
chubby, cheerful, active giler
usually kakak, Anwar (her bro), me, podin and Atiqah will walk, or jog, or play basketball, or badminton together.
so that day kami je ler
dont remember where Anwar and kakak whereabouts
we talked and laugh, and yada yada, kids, yknow.
and sampai dkat ngan rumah die balik.
i said see you tomorrow
she replied i ll be leaving the day after tomorrow.
she is going to US for 5 years
and, i don't really sure what i said to her
but she was really, really upset. marah. nak nangis
menangis kot, tapi die betul betul marah
yes, she was crying when she running back to her house
i called her but she just run
i felt guilty, tremendously
try to chase her by using my bike
tah cmner ranting kayu tersekat kat jaring2 basikal tu
jatuh.
rebah.
tgn kiri tersepit. meraung tak hengat ah
and after quite sometime i.. sleep
mcm tu je. u_u
then bukak mata.
directly at the sky
the orange-ish sky.
its sunset now.
and i laughed.

i forgot what happened tho next.
what happened at atiqah.
but i remember, the day when she left
i was there too. but nothing happened.
either i forgot to apologize
or she dont remember what happened.

and for what happen later 5 years? i moved already
to Rawang.
last time i saw her was in 2007, when SPM is over edi
somehow papa bawak kami jalan2 rumah lama
when we saw aunty Lina tgah duduk atas kerusi kayu
dkat halaman rumah die
so we dropped by
and there she is, turun tangga
and my oh my..
she is soooo pweety
i mean like
she TRANSFORMED!
dulu - pendek, chubby
now - same height as mine, slim, model lyke. rambut lurus evntho blond-ish
well aku tak tego dulu
gile ah
segan ah beb.
when aunty Lina point at me and asked her
"Tiqah kenai tak ni sapa?"
"Aizat kan?"
oh. DIE INGAT T.T!!!
sgt trharu lols
and aunty Lina still cakap pelat utara
SANGAT PEKAT.
and yeah, rumah die still byk kucheng.
dan perabot2 yg sgt humongous!
Anwar pun still igt kakak
tak silap Anwar tu first love kakak kot
hahaha
truly, memory is something really, really nice.