26 November, 2011

vous ne serez pas admettre la vérité

whatever i said must be hurtful. maybe the way i tell it, the way i wanted you to know, is a bit harsh.

well in the end, i'm still right. until you prove me wrong.

and you know what? the fact that i'm right, is what's hurts me.

13 November, 2011

the 'jack of all trade'

i think it's become one of my habit now. i feel like i want to learn EVERYTHING. i don't want to miss a single thing. i get excited on every single thing. but perhaps i should aproach everything with an even more cautios steps.

i remembered; i read a mag, or newspaper, or somewhere; i forgot to be honest, but it's something about yourself quiz kind of thing.. it describes me as;

"Many talents but neither given enough time to shows up"

Or something. At first I don't givafuck about it but.. Now, it seems true. :|

Besides, The Jack of All Trade is a Master of None.

09 November, 2011


entah berapa round dah aku pusing ni. dari jalan 3/7, ke jalan 3/8, ke jalan 3/9, kemudian ke jalan 3/8 balik, dan ke 3/7, sambung ke 3/8 dan seterusnya. aku tak sedar sampai bila aku sudah mula pendek nafas.

entah lah. aku lah harapan, aku lah pemusnah harapan. kenapa aku? kenapa bukan abang aku?

kalau aku, kenapa apa sahaja yang aku buat, aku salah?

setiap perkataan yang dilemparkan kepada aku, macam papercut. tak nampak, tapi pedih, tiap kali disentuh.

macam pita, setiap perkataan diulang-ulang.

fikir aku lepas aku dapat penganugerahan paling rendah seorang anak boleh dapat, aku akan lebih kebal dari semua perkataan yang bakal menyilukan aku. memang meleset habis lah.

dan dengan setiap langkauan aku berlari, aku mulai sedar sudah hampir larut malam, aku patut balik, berehat. mengambil jalan pintas untuk ke jalan rumah aku, suasana gelap lorong sebelah rumah terbiar tu buat aku rasa gentar sekejap. hitam, legam.

aku capai telefon bimbit, lalu cuba menyuluh jalan, tapi tak berguna;

kerana bulan yang menerangi belakang aku lagi cerah. cuma aku tak sedar.

07 November, 2011


as i said before, i don't know what i'll be doing. to cut the long story short, last night when I was away at wangsa maju playing dota, i snapped and decided to abandon my friend and left the cc. and went for a walk around kl before heading home at 8.

my honest advice for any of the readers, if you want to rob a lonely person wandering in the middle of night, please at least bring a fucking knife or bring your buddies too. else u might pick up the wrong guy to rob.

well at least i got to rob that guy. oh if you guys think i'm fucked up for counter-robbing someone else, feel free to think like that. it's not like that fella have a hundred bucks inside his wallet, and maybe that 40 bucks was from robbing other poor dudes out there. and consider it as a medicine fee. it's not like he just drop dead there and i picked up his wallet, no. i throw some punches and kicks and get some kicks and punches, or maybe some slaps as well.

i call this self defense. he slap me first because i was rude in answering him. i mean, dia tanya aku mane wallet, aku tanya penting ke? dia cakap dia nak duit aku tanya apesal, kalau kau nak sangat cuba kau jawab. i was going to give him anyway to be honest. but that bitch bitchslapped me, and you can't do that to an emotionally unstable dude.

if i was sober, maybe i'll give him all my belongings. but i don't realise when did i pounced on him and punched him like punching a punching bag. after he stopped moving i took his wallet and take out all of his money. well at least i left his iphone, and his ic, his driving license.

well maybe he's drunk. but fuck it, i'm pissed. thank you for punching, kicking and slapping me. at least i can let go some of my steam.

went home at 10am. at least i went back home. got lectured until 12pm. lucky my parents don't know what happened. well it's not like they'll understand what happened tho. if i can't go out anymore i don't mind really, it's my fault, but at least i know, that they don't know what is happening to me. and i know just how much their expectation on me. to fucking be a leader and all that stuff. no. it's not for me. it's for my brother. i hate it when you just go around and pass throw that fucking baton to me. i know how clueless they are when handling me, and how much they're desperate to stop me from doing this kind of shits. but yeah, i wont do this again, i know. but you know, you can't stop things by forcing them to stop. they don't even know why i'm doing this, how they're gonna stop me doing this again?

"hari yang paling meremokkan hati mama" ni bukanlah hari aizat pegi rogol anak dara orang, pergi rempit, pergi rompak bank mama. hari aizat pergi keluaq rumah sorang-sorang dan balik rumah. hari paling meremokkan hati mama? then aizat mintak maaf banyak-banyak.

aizat tau aizat bukan anak mama yang baik. aizat takleh ganti tempat abang. biaq la abang lead this family, he still my older brother, the eldest male son. not me. i don't want any of this. i just want to live a normal, quiet life with a decent job and that's about it. i don't want to inherit this or that, i just want to, live happily.

yes, i know, it wont happen.

On who you must find,
I’ll remember you
You’ve lost this fight,
This soulless revolution in my head
You’ve witnessed all
It’s only evolution, I forgot
On what we’ve done,
I’ll remember you
On those who tried,
I’ll remember to remember
I’m alive,
Love is who you are
.. ..
So cry if you wanted to cry tonight,
Your souls are losing hours

So cry if you wanted to cry,
Surprised that you’ve wasted your life"

03 November, 2011

november rain

well i guess the storms washed out my luck like water inside a drain on a rainy day.

i mistakenly punched the wrong copy of the summons letter i'm doing rite now, and it's kinda at the last phase before the summons are sent at the appropriate court, and thus i have to do it all over again, which is HARD WORK, and well, i failed twice. in succession. sigh.

during lunch i rushed to kl central to buy a train ticket. never informed my mom (was driving her Merc) and i start to feel 'unlucky'. yep, that kind of feeling i always mention about.

and then, the sky started to break, the cloud was grumbling, and the rain started to fall, heavily.

i stopped my car at the klia express drop-off point. saw a van got clammed, so i guess the police went away. park my car, rushed toward the counter ticket which was like, on the other side, only to find out you have to wait for the number thing. so i take a number, which is 426, and as the current number is like, 405, and i started to feel wrong, stronger this time, i rushed towards my car.

and when i get there, the police just finished clamping that merc.

"Adik lambat 10 saat je dik, kalau tak kitorang boleh je bukak. Ni abang dah tulis dalam resit ape ni.. takleh buat ape la dik.."

So I have to pay the fine at a police station inside kl central. and that freaking place is like, beside the ticketing counter? i was cursing my luck and myself allll the way there.

tried my luck again, manatau the police inside there can help me. and i lied about i parked inside kl central before but just as i went outside the parking lot, i had a stomach ache or something but yeah;

"Adik, abang kesian dekat adik, tapi nak buat macam mana, ni procedure dekat sentral, abang punya kereta pun pernah kena"

i was like damn.

but i proceed to the ticketing counter and only to find out, the number went from 405 to 410 in like, half an hour? i was like wtf wtf because i had to go back at my office before 2 for obvious reason, and, i can't stand waiting. it's torturing.

then an indian woman came and ask how to press the number machine so i pressed for her, and continue my waiting.

about 5 mins later a chinese woman in front of me asked the counter in a rather loud voice whether she should queue (apparently there's people lining in front of the counter while the numbering system seems not working) and the malay girl inside the counter replied with a louder voice "Pukul 2 beratur" and i was like wtf apa benda pukul 2 beratur?

and then only WE know that people going to board the train at 2 can "cut queue & the lengthy wait" by queing in front of the counter. there's nobody, inside the area, other than 2 staff, and those 2 people are handling the ticket counter. nice right?

so the chinese woman earlier get in the line, and, she gave her number at the indian woman whom i help earlier. do notice that she arrived later than me, plus i helped her get her number, and then, she's the next person in the waiting list (#415).

i was on the verge on giving up until i think god show me a little bit of His mercy and power, i saw a #419 ticket number, while it's only a wee bit different than my #426 but still, every seconds count, and i managed to buy the ticket.

oh i forgot one thing. after punching (no pun intended) the punch-card, i, like every goverment servant, went down for a breakfast, with the only different was i went loitering around with my mom's car, of course, without her consent. and after 8.00 i'll go back to my workplace, and start my work. now there's a reason why i chose to go to my 16th floor, is because the 3 out of 6 are breakdown, and the building i work have at least 700 workers, so, sharing 3 lifts with them is a bit unwise no? i chose to take the lift at 8.15, where people on the 8 am shift already went up but when i get there, the lobby was flooded with people, and to my amaze, the forth lift trapped some 15 people inside.

so climbing 16th floor up? not really a good way to start your work. nevertheless i manage to hastily arrived at my floor safely.

so today is no good. same goes for yesterday, and the day before that.

and i think all the wayyy after this, too. sigh. nevermind.