24 August, 2010

.ameagari

out I go when it's raining. sitting there, quietly. a normal routine, you can say. inside this small car, I close my eyes, this, feeling, of secured comforts me. from this cold rain. and I always hate when I can read people's. I, really, hate that. I became a spoil brat, I guess. Too comfortable. Can't blame myself, it was like heaven on the earth. The moment I recall those memories, my eyes started to close.

Hoping.

Until then. Ameagari.

.denwa

These hot days just keep continuing.
Are you doing okay? I'm worried.
You know that I'll be steady.

I feel awkward just talking to you over the receiver,
But we both feel the same way.
It's natural. It didn't go as well as I thought.

So far, so far, we're separated from each other.
There are even times we spend all night talking over the phone.

Even though my heart is frail, out of the deep darkness, some light manages to shine.
You and I laugh and cry together.
With you living in some other city,
I can't bring us together.
But I'm here.

The sky is dank, with a hurricane ripping through in the distance.
Both at once? What horrendous weather.
I feel even lonelier.

The night makes the floors, doors, and walls,
Seem impossibly vast.

The window rattles from the harsh wind.
Let's stay connected by the receiver,
And keep talking until we're too tired to go on.
With you living in some other city,
I want you to understand.
We're not alone.

Even the weather report can't capture it,
How we've been separated.
Still it looks like these hot days,
Are going to continue.

The clouds begin to part the rain is letting up,
But you and I are still wet,
From the laughter and tears we share.
With you living in some other city,
I can't bring us together.
But I'm here.

21 August, 2010

kawan.

title post aku kawan. aku nak cerita pasal kawan. ye, aku tak banyak kawan. boleh dibilang guna jari. kawan yang aku anggap, kawan. yang aku lagi suka cerita masalah kat beliau dan beliau dan kawan kawan. kawan yang aku sanggup berkorban macam macam. kawan yang aku sayang.

sangka aku semua tak akan berubah. seorang kawan aku dah tinggalkan aku. tinggal kau. sangka aku kau tak akan berubah. 10 tahun kawan, kau masih macamtu, tapi apparently, not.

people changed. so does you. so does him. so does everyone. kau nampak sekarang, ape yang aku takut, apa yang kau assure aku dari dulu? aku takut kau tak nampak. sebab itu apa yang terjadi sekarang.

ah naif sungguh. sungguh. aku memang naif, lagi lagi hal duniawi macam ni.

duniawi ke?

friends come and go, good friends stay. apparently for my case, not all.

they're good, i admit. very good indeed, that's what i think, because they, changed. i don't. they adapted, to 2010. to their surrounding.

ye, aku memang cepat terasa. sebab, itu kau. itu kau, yang dah kawan dengan aku dari aku hingusan. yang membesar dengan aku, yang aku kenal hati budi. yang aku tak sangka jadi macam ni.

maaf, post tacing. cakap lah apa kau nak cakap, aku, terima je.

ah ye, ini post untuk kau. yang 10 tahun. yang lain terasa tu, nasib lah.

aku dah penat berkorban, tapi tak dibalas. baik aku berkorban untuk kancil aku, memang confirm dia balas jasa aku.

sampai sekarang, aku harap aku mati dalam kancil aku. dia, 15 tahun, tak pernah tinggal aku. pernah let me down, but, who doesn't?

pathetic kan aku? benda bukan hidup yang aku harapkan. sedih.

19 August, 2010

rawak gempak

Ahhh. Aku sudah kering. Ide aku sudah tak boleh pakai. Makin karut, makin susah nak buat. Masalah kalau nak submit dalam masa 4 hari je, memang tak sempat kalau kau ada otak yang nak yang superb je. Mencapai 5530XM lalu menekan-nekan touch screen. Tolong lah reply secepat mungkin. Send to all. Cukup tak kredit ni? Cukup agaknya.

"O: karma, what goes around comes around u.u" -- uhh, aku nak storyline dude.

"range umr?" -- tak kesah lahhh. nak idea jeer.

"Sorg bdk ni ske sgt pnteng class, ttbe otw dy nmpk oku pegi kelas pkai wheelchair. pas2 dy besyukur, dn brubah" -- uh okay. kiv dulu. 4 hari mcm skjap sangat.

"Hah? emm.. what about 'dun look backward'? sm1 tengah berjalan atas padang rumput cari rumput paling lawa, die jumpe, first, tp still cari yg lagi lawa, until the very end of the padang rumput dia tak jumpa gak. aizat pernah dgr kowt cite nie." -- okaaay. how i'm going to do this. in a few days? thanks tho, nice idea >_<

"Mcm ukur bju di bdn sndri.. Ko nak sme bende mahal tp kau tak mampu bayar, jadi kau berhutang, akhirnya ko jd loser sbb x mampu nk bya balik n ko bankrupt. hahahaha" -- adeh, tau lah aku tga bankrupt. hahaha.

"u_u A tgh ponder rs cm situasi ni is the pits and shes the unluckiest person on earth, then die get to noe B is faaar worse, or cm, bc news that other ppl are worse off u.u then rs she shud appreciate with what she hv" -- hoo. aku nak buat bende 1 minit je kot u_u

"u_u adek ak ckp A kutuk B kt fb and kt C sal B kopi pasta je asai part die utk asai grupwork. Then A pass keje die kt C, turns out die pn same je. Nk kutuk org, tgk diri dulu. C said. C is my sis. u_u aku xde idea orz " -- u_u;;

Then,

"Kalau call boleh tak? Ssah laaa nk type dlm msg."

//Semua idea kau orang menarik, tetapi idea yg last ni, simple, and I think, suites the situation best. So thanks atas idea-idea kau orang, boleh simpan buat ref later. Hahaha. //

Ah, sambil instal CS5 sambil cari idea. Bagus tu. Selesai install, bukak AI. Tukar, bukak Fl pulak. Aih, leceh. Dah pukul 1. Sambung buat. Sketch sketch, nudge nudge, gerak gerak, dah pukul 3. Buat lagi kerja, dah pukul 5. Sahur jap, sambung balik. Makan nasi puteh, kicap, telor mata kebau. Tibaii. Sambung buat Fl. Tau tau dah padam atas meja. Bangun-bangun pukul 10.30 pagi. Ahh, burn sudah kelas PC Maintenance. Sambung buat. Pukul 1 ptg baru pergi ke kampus. Ade kelas pukul 2. NOT. Kelas batal. grrr. Menenangkan jiwa sampai pukul 5, dan kelas nihongo sampai 7. Pulang ke kolej, berbuka di surau.

Nasi dalam dulang! Ah, tak bazir. Jimat. Kenyang, gila! Naik atas bilik. Mau edit edit sikit. Bukak lid laptop, lalu mendapati.. skrin blank. Menekan keyboard, pun tak ada respon. Sudah. Berderau darah. Jantung mengepam darah makin laju. Mengecut pembuluh darah ni. Mengelegak kesabaran di malam yang sejuk ni. ARGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. Rumet terpegun tengok aku. Tension aku!

Terus aku letak kepala atas bantal-bantal hijau aku. Padam. Teraweh entah ke mana. Biarlah. Pukul 11 terjaga. Mencari semangat. Teruskan aktiviti aku, ikutkan hati mau je aku hempas laptop ni. Tapi sayang, ni kali pertama buat hal. Haih. Terus buat flash, sampai 5 pagi. Sahur, and the daily routine continued.

Kelas pukul 10. Pkul 9.40 aku sudah bersiap, menghidupkan enjin kereta. Pak guard pulak tahan.

"Kamu parking kereta kat tepi dulu"
"Tapi, kelas saya pukul 10"
"..."

"Kenapa tak update sticker kereta?"
"emmmmm" Mencari alasan.
"Ah, papa takda kat rumah, outstation. Insuran kereta dekat papa. Taktau bila balik."
"ohhh." Pakgad #1 diam. Sambil mengisi borang saman warna merah jambu.
"Kamu orang mana? Negeri sembilan?" Tanya pakgad #2.
"Takkk."
"Habis plat no tu?"
"Entah, kereta ni ada since saya umur 5 lagi kot pakcik."
"Eh, lawa no."
"Er, thanks"
"Kamu tau tak, no 1 sampai 18 semua mahal2?"
"Yeke?" Dalam hati aku dah mengutuk, takkan la aku tak tau. Grrr.
"Kenapa taruk dekat kancil? Taruk la dekat BMW ke.."
".... >_>" hina sangat ke kancil aku ni
"Kamu pakai enjin standard ke?"
"Tak, dah convert L200"
"Bukak jap" Eh eh, aku kelas pukul 10 la shial.
*ktapp, bukak.*
"Eh enjin kau ni kene tembak ape?"
"Ha?"
"Ni ha, cover untuk minyak hitam ni, tuka la, dah longgar"
"Tu la, sy mmg nak tuka pun."
"Ha, asal tak convert L5? Anak pakcik pakai L5"
"Kalau saya pun saya nak L5 pakcik, ni dah org lain buat"
"Nah kad matriks kau" Hulur pakgad #1.

Ahh, cepatt. Lambat pulak nt. Macam macam.

--Oh, post ni dalam bahasa, jadi tajuk pun kena bahasa lah. *Ego de ite kudasai?* Hah, sendiri convert english lah. Hish.

17 August, 2010

-- icu

..or Intensive Care Unit if I'm not mistaken, is a section, more like a ward, that provided intensive and continues care on a patient, who are critically ill, and full with monitory devices, wires, nurses, doctors.

I've been there twice on a different occasion, many times for one occasion, of course not as a patient, but as a visitor. And I tell you, it sucks. All you can hear is the beeping sound of the monitory devices, and the sight, was terrible. From all sorts of patient you can see from there. Hit and run victims, accident victims, and of course, surgery patients.

Well I remember, the day I went there. This painfully quiet surrounding combine with the reeks of hospitals.. it's just, sick.

Before entering the ICU, theres some procedure you must follow, wash hands, you must pass through several doors, and it is always well guarded. Strict I must say, I always get into trouble, trying to sneak something. I just.. can't wait to give those people something. Nak tunggu masuk ward, it'll take like weeks. I'm just, impatient.

Entering the ward, after some tough procedures, the first thing I always do is, lurking for the bed. I, have problems finding patients. It's very sucks imo, because I always thought I'm pretty good in finding something, but this has always been my number 1 problem. Bila dah jumpa tu, kena tengok whether the doc is there or not, sometimes the patient doesn't have any strength to do things on their own, wear clothes etc, and sometimes the doc + nurses want to record anything, idc myself whats the detail. Anyways, it usually take times, and I, really, can't stand waiting.

Here is where I lurk at other people's punya bed. Obviously, they don't look happy. Sad, pain, the struggle to live, it's almost a telepathic understanding when we saw their face. Tapi berat mata memandang, berat lagi bahu memikul, kan?

And then, the curtain opens up, the doctors was beside the bed, writing something, and, I saw her. She was lying on the bed, she didn't notice me at first, but as I make my way to her bed, she kinda, saw me, and then, the last thing you'd want to believe, is she raise her hand, open the oxygen mask, and then .. "Super slow!"

All eyes are on her. The patients, the doctors, and the nurses are on her. Doc sebelah dia dah gelebah, and then start to lecture her. Idiot. She chatted a bit (more like menjawab) dekat doctor and then she opened again her mask,

"Pakai balik,"
"Tak nak lah,"
"Doktor marah kang,"
"Tak lah, dah mintak izin,"
"Tadi tu?"
"Padan muka, siapa suruh datang lambat?" Wth, do you know there's a visiting hour here in ICU? Plus, it's an ICU for gawd sake! Dah datang pun patut bersyukur lahh.
"Padan muka siapa? Siapa yang kena marah tadi?"
"Er..tapiii" Seraya aku mencubit hidung. Geram. Banyak betul alasan. Macam lah kita taknak jumpa dia. Dia membalas, dengan menjelir lidah. Ah, mengada.

We chatted, chat chat chat like we'll never speak again. I can't even stop myself, but she was the one that listen a lot. She smiles, but it was a weak smile. She tried herself nak smile, it seems like that. Ah, her face, full with tubes, wires. She really looks tired. I guess, I should go, she should've rest now.

And my hand was grabbed by a cold hand, it was very weak, dia tengok, sambil menggelengkan kepala. Muka yang tadi berseri, ah, I couldn't see her like this. But I.. don't know what to do. She need to rest, but then.. I just, stare at her face, and she stared at me back, with her teary eyes. I, couldn't see her face like that at all! Let alone leave it just like that. So I took my Nokia 3200 and then I messaged them, to tell I'll be taking this whole visiting hours. And then the reply come in as fast as I send them, a simple "t8 ur time" was enough for me to sit, and then, she smiles, again.

This scary ward, was somehow, I felt really, calmed here. And I think, I knew why.

11 August, 2010

macam plastik, makin transparent sudah.

Selesai Witir. Duduk dalam kereta. Betapa aku rindu kau kancil. Maaf, aku.. tak punya duit untuk membaiki kau. Kalaulah aku kaya. Telefon berdering. Lagu Fallback oleh Oh Chentaku bermain. Sapa ni? Oh kau. Dengan telefon lagging kau, dari hujung sana. Sorry kacau? Thanks kacau. Dan berlarutan sampai kau sendiri bosan dengan lagging telefon kau. Minta izin.

Selang seketika, telefon berdering. Tak sempat angkat. Siapa? Akhirnya. Mendail. Tetapi, kecewa. Entah. Bukan apa yang aku harapkan Ahh. Rindu rumah pula. Mesej Papa. Ucap Salam Ramadhan kepada semua, Mama esp. "good boy", aku hampir menangis.

Aku rindu witir dengan Papa. Aku rindu selawat dengan Papa. Aku rindu Teraweh dengan Papa. Aku sampai teringat-ingat Imam punya bacaan selawat selepas selesai setiap 2 rakaat tu. Sejak bila entah, sejak aku boleh ingat.

"Senang, balik la rumah."

Cakap memang senang. Entah kenapa tah tiba tiba teringat rumah. Sebab aku, sedih, agaknya. Tolonglah, aku nak mengadu. Sebab aku dah tak larat.

*****

"nawaitu souma godhin 'an adaa i, fardhi syahri ramadhaana haadzihis sanati lillahi ta'aalaa"
"Uhh..." Lama ku tunggu, tiada respon.
"Okay, nescafe."

Aku bancuh nescafe. Baunya saja, cukup membuatkan kepala aku sakit. Padan muka, siapa suruh kau kena paksa baru boleh tidur? Padan. As instant as this Nescafe 3 in 1, my head started to feel heavy. Berat sangat. Berdenyut. Ye, selamat malam.

*****

"Urgh." Gelap. Kelam. Sunyi. Tak kan lah..
2.30 pagi. That's it. Aku dah tak ada pilihan lagi.
Please take care of me.

*****

7.45 pagi, somehow aku berjaya membuka mata. Basuh muka, gosok gigi.

--
"Eh!"
"Ha? Asal?"
"Ape Aizat buat?"
"Nak mandi lahh"
"Tuu kat tangan tuu." Sambil memuncungkan mulut
"Oh, gosok gigi lah"
"Mana boleh!"
"Suka hati lah!"
"Makruh lahh"
"Oh ye ke. Tapi tapi, dah bangun lambat, nak buat macam mana."
"Besok, Aizat confirm bangun awal"
"Eh, pasti?" Hanya senyuman aku nampak. Ah kau. Oh tidak. Jangan paksa aku bangun macam tu, aku tak mau tinggalkan katil aku!
--

Ah, hanya muka aku di cermin ini. Sebab pening gamaknya. Ah, aku dah lupa, setiap saat yang normal, yang berlalu, rasa istimewa sekarang. Bodoh aku. Hargai lah, lain kali.

Berbekalkan nescafe sebagai sahur, aku melangkah ke kelas. Pening. Padan muka aku.

Selamat Ramadhan Al-Mubaraq. :)

10 August, 2010

more or less.

Maxis really pissed me off. Now I have to go thru this all alone. Wait, bukan memang ke?

Anyways, my Sony Ericsson K850i just dead. At first it was thot that it's a suicide case, based on statement from witness from the scene, and the way he was found, all his guts are splattered everywhere, etc. But recent evidence shows that the witness lied, and apparently, it's a homicide.

And.. this thing. Just for fun.. I guess.

Thanks mE, it's quite accurate IMO.

08 August, 2010

the unconditional surrender.

On 26th of July 1945, Postdam Declaration was issued, with an ultimatum of surrender unconditionally to Japan, or face total destruction. Which, the then Japan Premier Suzuke, indicated that his country won't surrender.

On 6th of August 1945, "Little Boy" was dropped on Hiroshima, and later "Fat Man" was dropped at Nagasaki on 9th of August 1945
American troops began landing in Japan, on 28th of August, with the first landing at Atsugi Air Base, near Yokohama.
and on 2nd of September 1945, Japan sign an unconditional surrender.

-- What all of these above got to do with me? Well, nothing, I guess. I just, love history. That's all.


*****


Guess I'm really pushing my luck. Maybe over optimist. It's like, I'll never learn, from the past. Guess, I was really, really hopeful, of something. Miracle? Well not really, but slightly.
Issit 2 months already? Waw, I really am surprised. Lama jugak, without her, I mean, Lunesta. Maybe, I should just, let it be, kan? Just, don't push things around, don't, try to work things out. I, should've been more grateful. Rather than hoping, for something to work out, I shud just, redha.

Redha. Kan?


Thanks for you guys punya support. Those yang accompany me, those night will never be forgotten. Yeah, including you, tikus. And my Kancil. Just bear with me, mkay? I hope you're still strong to, be there for me? Hahaha. My friends, I can't thank you enough. Ada yang tengah-tengah malam dok tidoq pun kena kacau. Yang besok kerja tu lagi lah, kena teman sampai Subuh. You guys went a lot of trouble, I don't know how I can repay you guys. Someday. Kot.

..I'll resort to my last two options. The first one is; coffee. And of course, Lunesta. Yoroshiku onegai shimasssu. Even though the first one is a bit forceful, (a lot, actually.) dizzy, nauseous it's like forcing you to sleep, but I guess the it's not as painful as not gonna sleep, eventhough your body is damn tired, and you are damn sleepy. The pain that you're gonna endure the whole 5-6 hours, alone. Lonely, it sounded pathetic but it is. I'm really, pathetic. Saddd. Hahaha.


Tired of hoping so much. It's much of, a false dawn. Well I must be strong. I am, kan? Haha. Dah besar kann. Pandai jaga diri, apa-apa masalah tanggung sendiri. Kan. Hoping that this lonely hole I'm living in will be a bit bigger, but I'll end up feeling, more lonely, as this big, dark hole, is too big for me alone. It's, too spacious. I can't bear that feeling. That's why I always ran to my Kancil. It's crammed, small interior, makes me comfortable. Scared, probably.

With this, I signed an unconditional surrender.


Please take care of me, Lunesta.

--whatsername

"nobody likes you. everyone left you. they're all out without you. having fun."

i was am still alone. these sadness, never really leave me.

while you having fun, i too, will have some fun, somewhere where, the smells of disinfectant reeks. where, all my painful memories, of all my loved ones, here. I hate it.

it's no fair. i hate this feeling. envious. of everything. of others' happiness. of something i don't really belong.

i'm that selfish.

i.. became more vulnerable. that's not me.


reset?

07 August, 2010

my love.

This is a story, about my love. She's my first love. It was when I was 5 y.o, this is some of the thing I remembered about her.

It was one morning, I was bored, so I switched on the television, when I saw an event is going on. Perodua Kancil was being launched at that time. I was 4 kot, a year before I enrolled into my tadika.

I remember, one night, after Maghrib prayers, we used to sit down at my parents' bed and chat a bit here and there. We talked about all sorts of things, one of the most I remembered is the Anwar case, in 97 if I'm not mistaken, I heard my dad cakap,

"Nanti tak lama lagi Anwar kena lah tu"
"Ala, tapi kakak suka cara dia,"
"Kenapa?" I asked
"PM tak suka cara dia,"

Or something like that. Well, a year later he was arrested, and reformasi took place. The whole country was somewhat in turmoil, just because he was unfairly treated. Injustice took place, peoples, everywhere are upset, international media quickly started to focused more on our homeland.

Anyways, other than that one night, I remembered one night, my mom, she said wanted to drive again. She's started to worried that they have to rely on Pak Tam's help if my dad's going outstation. He's started going outstation like, every week? So mom wanted to drive. If I'm not mistaken lah.

So one Sunday morning, my dad took us to a Sunday Car Carnival.. or something like that. After quite sometimes choosing a car, and I randomly walk, woooing most of the car there (yes, I started to like cars when I was 3-4?) and I stop at this one car, a white Kancil. Somehow, I just, like the car.

My dad agreed to buy this car, which my mom don't really like. Because, this Kancil was already kitted, starting from front bumper, to the side, and to the back of the car. She's kinda reluctant to drive, she said she's not that young anymore. That car is soo, not her. But, my dad insist to buy that car, not because of me, duh. But because, she came with a double-digit plat number. NAN 14. It was quite a bargain, at least for me and my dad. Anyway, we come back home and, I don't know when, until one day, if I'm not mistaken only the next Saturday, the Kancil arrived at my house.

I still remember the night we sent the driver that drive the Kancil to our house home, the radio, the aircond, the small space inside the car, I was very excited, and the only thing I regret that day is that, I fell asleep half way on the journey.

Back then, when my parents came back from work, my mom would drove the Kancil around my housing area. She used to drive, a volvo back then. But something happens, and she quit driving. And never recover. So she started to drive again. 5 years tak drive kot. She drove alone, so I'll always saw the Kancil from my house, (our house was on top of a hill) disappearing. Almost every evening. But she never really drive outside, to her workplace. It was when in 2000, when we moved to Rawang, only then she drove to her workplace, because she have to. She drove a Proton Wira 2000 model. LHDN car.

The first time I drove this car, is when I was 6. Hahahaha. Well not really drive, but still handling the car about 5 minutes is long for a kid, I mean, it was lama jugaak lahh. Pak Tam let me handle the steering while he control the pedal, obviously I tak sampai nak pijak. We were on our way to pick up my bro. Arriving at SKSHAS, he took our picture in front of the car, the picture I'll always carry around, until now pun.

Pak Su also brought a Kancil, a red Kancil, one or two years later. Mainly because he sold his Mini Austin, to a Mini enthusiast, and the other reason is the birth of my cousin, Ilyasa. He later placed skirting, a bit different from ours, but you know why lah, because it really looks good on our Kancil. Pak Tam also brought one. A white Kancil, too. But I still felt attached to mine.

I forgot when was the Kancil being sold to my mom's older sister, Ngah.

I hate her. She never took care of that Kancil. I heard, she never service the car, tak elak lopak, yada yada. I was very, very, very upset, that my mom actually SOLD the car to her, the fact that she never really bayar for that car, added the fuel to the spark ignited earlier. I insist that we must brought her back. We did, but, my mom have to pay for it, actually we pays more that what she paid us earlier. And my mom never really talks about it. She always get away, most of my uncles, my aunts usually get away with whatever shits they throw at my mom. And my mom, never complaint.

I remember, the day the Kancil is back at my house, this time at Rawang. It's for my sister use, she's at MMU at that time, taking FCM. I remembered the first time she turned on the aircond, ants were blew inside of the car! The radio never work again, and the suspension failed, the car was superbly dirty, I was upset, to the point that I cried. She used to failed a lot, that Kancil. And still, I guess. She used to turned 320 degree, stopped in the middle of highway, the meter failed, the battery dead, and all sorts of shits.

And she's still here. She's old now, for a car. And for a car, she was very special to me. I was very very reluctant to give other people to drive. Well not like people wanted to drive, but if there is, I was very reluctant, I am still reluctant. I afraid, people will complain, this and that. It was never a comfortable ride inside my Kancil. So I was very afraid if people wanted to ride with me. Afraid, they'll never have any good experience with my Kancil.

You see, my Kancil don't usually served me as a car. The fact that I abuse her, whenever I felt that I was alone, is still there. I'm still doing it. Sitting in that Kancil, during rain, during night time, when I felt like crying. I always thought that, she's like, comforting me. Every time.

And she never left me, she'll never leave me.

06 August, 2010

penghilang sunyi.

..So I was on my daily routine, laying on my bed, trying my best to go to sleep. It's half past 2 now. The wind is slightly chilling, as the rain continues to fall. It wasn't really dark, because the light from the laptop screen was, well lit my bed, sebab I put my lappie beside my bed hahaha. My room mates are gone, busy with his job. TEMMASYA is starting this weekend. Omg speaking of that TEMMASYA, it looks so childish. Who the hell punya suggestion nak buat macam tu? Hilang nafsu untuk participate in that event.

Then, suddenly, I felt something. Maybe I'm thinking too much, but, there IS something.

Jadi aku toleh kepala aku ke kiri, when I saw something moving. It's fidgeting. And then, it starting to show itself, it's getting clearer, as it getting closer.

It's a .. rat. A small one.

Well I thot I was dreaming, somehow. hahahahahaha. It's quite, unbelievable, anddddd, dushum. I knocked it away using my Steel Series Ikari Laser Mouse. Heh. RM300+ Mouse > normal mouse. Well actually, it was something, random. My instant reaction. Sorry? hahahhahaa. And I switched on the lamp.

So I continue to read blogs, to re-watch Engine. omg Koyuki is sooooo beautiful! It was on one episode, where Koyuki cried (still beautiful! *blush*), when Kimutaku brings her and the kids to the circuit one night, when, I saw the rat climb my luggage beside the lappie, beside my katil. That rat, I tell youuu, must have some extra balls nak shows up macam tu.

It's almost like, he's declaring war with me. =_=

I remember, it was 5, when I cornered the rat, under my bed, after quite some time. He stares at me, I stares his eyes, and then to my surprise, it charged towards me, jumping while squeaking! Sure got me surprise there, I jumped! I mean, wth men, mana ada rat yang charged at ppl macam tuu. So from my bed, he's now under my room mates punya katil. Wuah, tempat dia sumpah beselerak! So I..gave up. And throw myself on my bed again.

It was 7, when I thot of getting a shower. The sun started to shine now, and my room is getting cerah. And I saw the rat. I mean, what is this, an elementary rat? Tak belajar ke? Semua tikus move, swiftly tau. Dia pulak terjengket-jengket. Bajet orang tak nampak, or bajet cute? =_=

I take that as a boastful way to say, "Hey look at me! Nanananan~ try to catch me, idiot!"

So I grabbed the broomstick again, and cornered him under my bed again. Here we are again, I mean, we just wait, who'll make the first move. And he came charging at me again, with his "Charge Special", Squeeek Squeeeeekkk!!!

Dush! Aku menghayun penyapu ke kiri , terus keluar tikus tu. And terus dia lari, entah ke mana.

Heh, now it's very damn clear, who's the winRAR here.

Well I had fun. Thanks for teman me for the whole night.

03 August, 2010

tentang kita, tentang graphicHolic.

entah macam mana aku nak mula. tak pernah aku fikir pula akan penamat nya. aku sekadar suka-suki, follow up dari semangat membuat forum. jadi ini lah kali pertama aku ingin membangunkan satu social networking yang free.

bermulanya, pada semester kedua tahun pertama kami belajar di UTMKL pada waktu itu, semasa kelas Logik Digital, idea telah dicadangkan oleh Puan Mercy, dan betapa aku kurang meminati beliau pun aku still menghargai sumbangan tidak langsung beliau dalam mencadangkan satu portal, di mana kami boleh membincangkan mengenai apa yang telah beliau ajar. more or less. maka aku dengan sedikit pengetahuan, telah mewujudkan empayar.

pada mulanya, tak ada sambutan. semua orang tengah tak semangat. aku engat lagi time April. waktu tu orang baru nak hangat-hangat tahi ayam. Aku pun gembiranya mewelcome kan mereka. Tapi, waktu tengah hot, ialah waktu-waktu nak tamat semester kedua. Zaman Nazrul patah kaki. Zaman video Nazrul patah kaki, zaman bubur lambuk, zaman dekat AB100, zaman pergi ice skate, dan zaman outing tengah malam, tengok Terminator Salvation.

Walaupun banyak sesi tikam lidah, cakar-cakar ayam, baling tahi sembunyi tangan, dan sebagainya, selalunya sesi-sesi tersebut disebalikkan dengan gambar-gambar kita semua, video, perangai pelik kita sendiri. gelak kan kepelikkan kita.

kemudian, sebahagian besar dari kita pergi. janji-janji yang tak dapat dikotakan, "aku takkan pergi Skudai", janji junior baru dari matriks tinggal angan angan kosong, serta kekosongan, kemuraman mula membuka tirai semester satu tahun kedua. Intan sebelum tu telah post, satu post, yang kemudian jadi tempat kita menzahirkan pandangan kita sesama ahli empayar kita. Berjela-jela post tu.

Dengan graphicHolic, kita keep in touch, harap seperti dahulu. kemudian, sinar-sinar baru mula menunjukkan, tatkala junior-junior mula mengganggotai empayar kecil kita. bermula satu lagi episod baru graphicHolic.

Kemudian, berlaku satu gelombang. Kedewasaan? Entah. Kematangan, mungkin. Semua seperti berubah. Aku, duduk depan skrin, dan terkedu, terkilan. Aku naif. Semua akan berubah. Tak ada yang terkecuali. Aku juga. Mungkin, itulah punca aku mula lalai akan tanggungjawab, lagi lagi sebagai admin #1, mungkin, kerana kecewa. Aku tak salahkan sapa sapa, jujur. Aku pun ada part untuk dipersalahkan. Aku mintak maaf, andai selama aku menguruskan empayar kecil kita tu, aku seringkali tak ada untuk mengupdate, mengemaskini, mewarnakan kembali, mencari skin baru, dan menambah shoutbox etc, tapi aku telah cuba sedaya upaya aku.

Dan setiap yang bermula pasti akan tamat. Aku patut tau benda ini dari awal lagi. Tapi aku sentiasa menidakkan. Naif. Dengan pengkhabaran bahawa host untuk graphicHolic akan berbayar mulai Ogos, aku mula mencari tentang kebenaran berita tersebut. Benar. Rasa kesal mula menyelubungi diri. Ah, padan muka aku.

Dengan itu, tamatlah sudah riwayat graphic Holic. Aku tak bercadang nak mencari webhosting untuk socialnetwork yang free lagi, sudah lah. Tak rasa akan menjadi pun. Melainkan ramai-ramai memaksa aku, baru aku akan semangat. Entahlah, tapi aku rasa tak akan pun aku cari baru.

sorang tolong simpan gamba gamba dalam empayar tu, now? hilang payah pulak nnt. dah la gamba-gamba tu gabungan dari pelbagai jenis orang. hilang nanti, tak jumpa dah.

graphicHolic
April 2009 - August 2010