terlepas.

aku senyum.
dia senyum.
dia ikhlas.
aku paksa.
dia kuatkan diri.
aku paksakan diri.
dan akhirnya dia tersungkur.
tetapi
masih senyum.
aku?
masih paksa.


sampai sekarang.
.kebelakang.




post terakhir aku macam ni. tak boleh aku post macam ni. awkward. jadi,

how does it feels?

i was wandering in the rain,
mask of life, feeling insane.
swift and sudden fall from grace,
sunny days seems far away.

kremlin's shadow belittling me,
stalin's tomb won't let me be.
on and on and on it came,
wish the rain would just let me be.

how does it feels?

when you're alone, and cold inside?
like a stranger in moscow.

p/s i think this might be how i'd define me to myself. tho i'd introduce myself as me that i'm supposed to be to everyone else. not anyone.

not even anyone.

i'm going where the cold wind blows.

oh, the guilt

She seems to think
She seems too weak
She takes a week to get over it

She likes the sea
She likes to see
She likes to think she has all of it

She likes the sound
She likes the sand
She likes to stand, she can't afford to sit

She likes to be
She likes to be
She likes to be
She's into guilt
Guilt
Guilt
Guilt

She likes to think
she likes to drink
She seems too weak, she takes all the rent

She likes the time
she owns the time
She borrows time she has to self-invent

She seems too weak
she likes to see
She likes to think she has all of it

She likes the sand
she likes to stand
She likes to sit
she likes to guilt
Guilt
Guilt
Guilt

(Guitar solo)

She seems to think
She seems to breath
She takes a week to get over it

She likes to see
She likes the sea
She likes to think she has all of it

She likes the Sand
She likes the Sand
She likes to stand she cant afford to sit

She likes to be
She likes to be
She likes to be
She likes to guilt
Guilt
Guilt
Guilt

p/s; best ada banyak muka ni.

strike 3, batter out!

it's 3. and i still can't sleep. and tomorrow is monday. i mean, today. such a cold night. last night was awesome. i think today's gonna be great too, cept with the fact that i have to get ready at 6. sigh. 

oh and a cute ahmoy confessed at me today! lol. she sed she still had crushed on me from standard six. ahhh good ol days. days where boys always wanted to please her while me, like always, the anarchy. lol. well idk what makes her had this crush, and that crush can go hold on for that long too. well tho, she has a boyfriend too. it made it look so awkward. nvm. she's in leeds pun btw. no point nak think about it punn. eh i should've said that she has a boyfriend so i shouldn't think about it kan? terbalik? LOL.

anyway, pegi la mamps dia jap, i just wanna say that i'm excited about my edith! she's coming back in a week! lama lagi but i'm already sexcited. eventho baru 3 hari she's gone, i feel like it's almost 3 years. so long mang. 

ahh i shud go to sleep. still in raya mood too. sigh. 

here we go.

i really don't know how to start this. i was thinking maybe a "dear diary i'm very sorry" or "i've been neglecting you a lot" or maybe just a hi. it's not that nothing happens to me, tho in fact, a lot happened. 

working right now, graduating end of september, holiday, raya, puasa, merdeka.. and holiday before puasa. and pd. 

you know i was very stupid when i said last year i think i can't go down anymore because i thought things are at their worst, and it should start getting better, but it did not. so i'm not going to be such a dumbass to write this, but this year, sucks. suckier than last year. last year was better. at least i've got Penang. and PD. and it was not until this may or june or july i only knew what i believe since last year, was all bullshits.

and it's not helping me at all. 

last year i remember that raya was a bit happier, a bit more happening compared to this year. sorry, i mean, a lot. i didn't even send any single soul selamat hari raya. thus i'm taking this opportunity to say that i'm really sorry, and i'd be happier if i send raya greeting, even if it's via sms. lagilah kad raya. sigh.

i finished my study at utm on may. or wassit june? idk. i kinda missed the campus life to be honest. free, studying in kl, hanging around with friends, dinner with friends, yada yada.. it was fun, really, really fun. but funny things tho, right now, working, earning money on your own effort, i felt that i wouldn't want to stop. hell, if there's a vacancy for permanent position, maybe i'll grab it. 

plus, when you're working, all of your energy is focused on your works, and you spent more time with papers and casses than your family, and your laptop, or your handphone. work, have become a distraction. a good distraction, away from what i think as my harsh unacceptable life. 

well at least last year teaches me not to put your hopes high enough, because the higher you place your hope, the lower you'll be once it started to eat you up. again.

i mean i don't know why i still continue to put my faith in the same thing that betrayed me over and over and over again. would you put yours at something or someone that has repeatedly cheating you? have you ever had the heart to start believing again, not once, but countless time? and that's not even metaphorically. i bet once you feel cheated, you'll stop believing and start moving on, why bother at things that you can't trust anymore right?

also, i learnt to stop thinking that i'll find a really good friend, or close friend, or buddies, or whatever. frankly, everyone will leave you eventually, it's just a matter of time. so i'd better start labelling my friends as colleague, or classmates, or whatever. maybe that's a safer choice. i think. 

last year thought me to be a pessimist. well for a pessimist, i'm pretty optimist now. 

at least this year i can blew off my steam with some fictions, though i can't see when i'm going to write again, same goes to this blog, as i'm working right now. 

and at least this year's ramadhan was.. special, compared to last year. 

yesterday, i was typing half way when somebody called me, so we chatted a bit, and after consulting and asking her opinions, she said it'd be better if i kept it to myself. maybe. so i scraped it in the draft folder. tho i had a perfect title for it; stranger things have happened to me.

i don't know what else to talk about. oh and my kancil.. same old story. budget for her treatment will go to my bro's car or my sis's car, or my mum's i think. i feel like crying to be honest, i can't do a thing for her eventho she's been helping me, she's there to help me or whatever, when i was down, when i was sad, when people lied to me, when.. whatever. you guys get the idea right? it's the same thing over and over again.

this year, if everything goes well, i'll go to edinburgh. maybe after that to paris or spain. with my own money. so i should stop complain about work and start to gather all my strength and energy, and start doing work nicely. 

it's funny, seeing how i treated august as my last month of the year and september where life started again. 

penat? no. its AWESOME!!!! XDD

mood: hyper! gagaga XDD
music: Moratorium - Remioromen

okie. i admit. mebe penat. tapi one thing fosho.
IT. WAS. AWEEEESSSSOOOMMMMEEEEE.

okok. lets start with a storylike post. :D
and it will be in malay, coz i like writing in malay :DDD

knock knock knock~
KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK~~
DUM DUM DUM!!!!

"hoh, sape lak ni, tga shiok tidoq ni." bebel aku sambil membukak pintu. Timy dengan senyuman di muka memberitahu supaya bersiap segera. by 8.30 kami akan bertolak ke Time Square.

"ehhh?? Jadi ke? Bukan tak ke. Pompuan2 course kite tu takkan nak kuar memlm bute?"

"tahh. ni pun DATINNONAJIEBAJIEBUT yg ajak. aku follo je" balas Timy

grrr. dh la penat main bola tadi tak hilang lagi. baru tutup mate 5 saat cmtu je.

"Padan muke, tadi pas men bola x tdo lagi. aku dah cakap, Barca mng punye!" Timy seolah2 dpat membaca air muke aku. Demmit. Barcelona mng. well. AT LEAST MANCHESTER UNITED DAPAT MASUK FINAL. dan tadi aku gayut dengan die jap. er. lame gak ah.

"EHH??? Kite je ke yg tinggal?" CK mulakan perbualan
"Yelah! Kami je! Penat kitorang tunggu kau, make up cam Timy! Cam perempuan. Aduss." Keluh aku.
"Choi! Senonoh skett. Takpe, kte naik teksi direct ke Time Square. Sampai kat sane, baru kite bincang ape nak buat, sbb budak2 DDC pun pegi" Balas Timy
"Huh? Egt outing course kite je (DDZ) asal DDC pun de?" CK replied

Namun kami semua diam. Ape salahnye? Last outing lagipun.

Dan kami sampai. Berkumpul di Ampang Bowling Centre.

"Jum." Aku menegur Intan
"Jum ape?" Balas Intan, simple.
"O jus. Sape mng die banje bowling."
"Sure?"
"Sure."
OOO JUUSSS. OOO JUUUSSS.
"EHHH. Lagi sekali wehh" Intan x puas hati
"ok ok"
OOO JUUSSS. OOO JUUUSSS. OOO JUUUSSSS.
...YAAYYYY!! Aku sedikit terloncat,
"tiidaaakkk"
"Wey Tan, aku segan do, kalau ye pun toksah ah baring kat ctu" Tegor Datin NonaJieba
"Thank you Tan~ " lalu aku berlalu dari situ. sambil gelak evil.

"Sepul, kau tau tak?" Jieba mule menanyekan soalan2 pelik die
"Tau ape?" Aku layan je
"Tadi aku nak cucuk duit, nk bwak kuar RM30 ah"
"Then? Tertekan lebih 0?"
"Ha ah."
"Ok le tu, meh banje dominos"
"aku tinggal lagi 200 kat kolej, sbb takut bwk duit bebyk"
.. =_= then whats the point in telling me OTL

Well towards the end of the bowling game baru aku dapat 9, 9, 8 pin fall. demmit. sal lambat sgt naik. egt nak main 2nd game, tapi Joe Ee menolak. dem.

"Sepul!"
"ape lagi jieba."
"Jum main fusbol."
WAH. bes bes
"jum!"

KTUNG TANG KTUNG TANG

"dan hantaran dari Van der Sar kepada Defender Vidic, crossing kepada Frank Lampard, Rembatan kencang terkena kaki Drogba lalu GOOOOAAAAALLLLL!!!" Kami terloncat lalu hi10. Gabungan Manchester United (aku) bhagian def dan Chelsea (jieba) di bhagian attack menunjukkan keserasian terbaaiiikk. dan Faiz a.k.a Burn dan Qieba tertunduk tande kalah. HARHARHAR

"One Double Cheeseburger, Mc Value Meal please. Regular, take away." Pesan aku
"Pasni nak main ape lagi?" Tanye aku sambil meneguk air. Jam menunjukkan pukul 11.00 malam. Kalau balik ni sempat lagi nak masuk kolej, as pintu tutup pukul 12.00

"Alaa. takkan balik dah.." Dila mengeluh. "Baru nak enjoyyy.."
"Erm, movie nak?" Aku suggest. Actually aku gurau je. Gile ape bdak2 ni nak tgk movie tga tga malam
"Eh nak nak naakk" Joe Ee separa jerit. er, aku agak tergamam. KAWAAAIIII u///////////u
"tapi, budak2 lain cmne?" Aku x puas hati. dh la smlm x tdo.
"ktorang okay jeer." Dila dan Izzaty menggaguk.

OMG. damn.

"So nak tengok mane ni?" Timy mula bertanye kat sme org.
PAVILLION~~

OMG. (lagi) GILE.

"Ish budak2 ni.. Cakap nak tgk muvi, tapi jalan-jalan sikit, stop jap tgkp gamba. " Tegur Faiz/Burn. Burn ni, org die agak direct. Die mcm abg kami. Sgt tegas. Dan ayat yg superb ly pedas. Kami panggil org tue sbb tu la. Dan die SEJARAHWAN. Sejarah die sgt SUPERB. Lupe lak. die cicit Naning kot.

"Ha ah, aku stuju burn!" aku menggangguk mengiyakan
"Diam ah, kau pun yg tertinggal kat blakang ngan jieba, asik tgkp gamba je korg nih" Burn meneruskan ayat sambil sengeh2 kambing die dan gelak2 sambil debik debik blakang aku

dan kami berjalan kaki ke Pavillion.

"Movie pukul 1 nnt. nak pegi mane dulu?" Mula Jieba. Aku lihat jam di hp. Baru pukul 12.00!
"Makan la, ade bdak2 xmkan lagi" Suggest Tan. die mmg. makan laju je Intan.
"Then jum kite gi Bintang Walk lagi, cari makan."

JALAN LAGI. ORZZZ

"Eh, ne bdak2 lain?"
"Derang gi McDonald kot" Saleh, si suami Intan berkata2. Tinggal kami berlima. Timy, Jieba, Intan, Saleh, aku. ni dah pegi mane ni. makan mane la derang ni.
"Takpe la, aku gi McD je ahh" Aku bersuara lalu menghilangkan diri

Kami lepak lepak di McD sambil menunggu pukul 12.45

"Eh Joe Ee! Buat ape tu?" Izzaty separuh menjerit. Aku melihat. dan aku ternampak. Joe Ee dgn muke blur die sambil menuangkan salt ke dalam Coke die. Gilo pempuan ni.

tapi kawaaiii u/////////////u

"Korang x pnah buat eh?" Dgn muke blur Joe Ee bertanyekan ktorang lalu menghirup Coke tersebut.
"Nah" Die menghulurkan kat aku. Dan seraya itu aku menghirup. Rase tawar2 sikit. Tapi sdap gak ahhh. Menarik. ahahaha.

AT LEAST BUKAN BLACK PEPPER LAM COKE. PITY U PODIN! XDDD

Kami memilih untuk menonton Terminator Salvation.

"Ala bang, jgn la potong k?" Intan merayu
"Boleh la, bukan slalu pun kan?" Jieba sambung
"Boleh laaaa" Budak2 blakang sambung.
"Yelah2! Jgn tunjuk kat org lain tauu!" Abg tiket tu x jdi potong tiket tu. Ne tak nye, dekat 14 org ade, mmg la payah sket.
Lalu Jieba menggambil itu tiket dan sambil naik eskelator,
"Saiful cepat la tgkp gamba!"

=_=

Abg Tiket tu dh glabah gile dh

Joe Ee tertidur. Giler. dgn bunyi die yg sungguh awesome. mcm betul2 kat dpan ktorg je T-600 tu tembak gune gatling gun. cam ne la die tetido. Dan Joe Ee tetibe tekejut time T-800 keluar. Lagi terkejut org2 kat sebelah die. Didi dgn Sanggeetha ckap timing die mmg tepat. org terkejut tgk T-800 tu, derang tekejut tgk Joe Ee

"Okay, sekarang nak gi mane pulak"
"Dh pukul 3 dh. Nak balik kolej x smpat dh. Jum kte lepak hotel lak" Jieba suggest. Timy ok jer.
GILE! Takmo aku! Tapi "Tune hotel ade gak. kat jugak la" Explain aku. eh. bukan aku ke yg tanak pi. haha xP

"Kite jalan kaki. Balik kolej." Burn bagi suggestion yg amat power. Mmg terbaik. Well seb baik aku tau jalan2 + short cut.

dan kami berjalan. jalan2 smpai depan KLCC. Betul2 depan KLCC. Lepak jap. Jalan2 lagi. Dan akhirnya sampai around 5.30 dekat kolej. Nak naik bas pukul 7. huh.

tak tido lagi la aku jawab nye. =_=

--END--

Sangeetha, Intan, Timy, Me, and Joe Ee

pics nnt aku upload eh Jieba? XD
untuk gamba2 serta side story sile melawat jiebajiebut.blogspot.com serta 6hundredsixty-six.blogspot.com eh? XD

roti -terbakar