18 February, 2011

the boy who can just dream.

title atas sepatutnya, the boy who always dream, but I just realised, I can only just dream. No, I actually can not dream. sigh.

anyway, today I was back at home. for just a night. I thought it will be a normal weekend for me. Nothing but food, internet, bed, movies and lazy sunny afternoon. But when I noticed mama is not around (again), I was like, "Shit, it's going to be suckier like this." Mama is at Kuching at this moment, and after that she'll be at Australia.

In all honesty, I'm not a mama boy. Neither does a papa boy. I'm not their greatest hope, I'm not exactly a son that parents will be proud saying to their friends. What I'm trying to say is,

I suck.

I'm just hanging on, trying my best to not further their sadness. Just be good, at least in front of them. At least don't let them feel hurt anymore.

I can say that my dad's favourite child is either my older neechan, or my younger neechan. My mom's will always be my niichan. That's how it always gonna be. It's not like I'm the black sheep of the family, I'm being hated and stuff, but they will always be favoured instead of me. I don't want to elaborate any further than this, so I guess I skip to the point of what happened today.

So what happened after that is, I just don't go outside of my room. I was blankly staring outside the window, I was staring at the opposite wall just in case I can see thru it.. just in case.

Basically, I'm doing nothing. I felt hurt, bored, sad, and annoyed. I was really, really upset.

Until, my dearest imouto, Aizati called. She wants me to pick her up at her school. I was like wtf. Oh, it's raining manng. Looks like my eyes cannot psychicly lift up the glass jar (the one I posted here) after I stare it for a while.

I was literally dragging my foot towards my car, only to realise I din bring my car key with me. And I asked for Kak Ngah's help to fetch the car key, shows how negative I was this evening.

So when I got back, I stuck in my room again, with nothing to do, again. I was googling Jason Mraz's live act when suddenly I decided to open my facebook, and saw Khirthanaa's. And out of the blue, Devan asked me to open my skype. As soon as I login, he invited me for a conversation, and he was with Khirthanaa. We voice chatted a bit, because Skype apparently, cannot do a video conference, I was like dang, such a turn off.

But then I asked them to install ooVoo, and we had a pretty awkward, cool, shitty and rubish conversation, but it was lovely. LOL.

everyone was getting hype about this vid conf

started to talk more bullshits..

and some weird stuff..

it was actually suppose to be Holy Shit-thanaa, but thanks to the owner of the name's punya reluctancy to do so, we have to satisfied with shitthanaa saje.

Rafique promised to online at 8, and this photo was taken at 8.15pm, where we are getting crappier every passing seconds. lol.

So this ends after I quitting for my Maghrib prayer and Isyak's, and mandi. After mandi a bit, I went downstairs, in the hunt for some things that can be eaten. I was basically starving, since afternoon, and Amal doesn't help me A BIT. sigh.

Downstairs I jumped into my dad, he's carrying a baldi full of water. It was weird, really. He explained he's in the middle of washing his beloved Mini Cooper S Checkmate Version which I WAS FUCKING ENVIOUS ABOUT, because he had some meeting early in the morning of Saturday. Oh, so I though it was kinda cool, my promised to my car that I'll wash her last week after 2 weeks of stormy seasons seems to be like a fairy tail story, so I quickly joined my dad.

At first I tried to help him here and there, but realising there was only one washing towel, I decided to wait until he finish one part of the car, I rinse it with water. This continue until he finished washing his car, and I continued on my car pulak.

We chatted a bit, talking about stuff. I never really know what to chat, really. It's been ages since last time we had a talk, or rather, time to talk. Look, my best passion is obviously football, but my dad left sports like, 20 years ago. And I don't want to talk about politics with him, he's damn twisted, more twisted than me I can say.

The only thing left we share in common was, CARS. It will always be CAR, nothing else. But still, it was going nowhere. I was really, really blur, and dumbfounded by the opportunity to actually have a conversation with him, and it's slipping awaaayyyyy. damn.

In the end, I just be happy with our 10 minutes talk, or rather, pauses. LOL. It was awkward for both of us, but I ran away with nothing but happiness and satisfied by the outcome. HAHAHA

Oh well. I feel like an idiot right now. At least I felt better, I can only expect for this to come by as, nothing else. It was up to my expectation.

Tak macam something else. Lain yang diharap, lain yang jadi. sigh.

Well, I can only just dream about it.

1 comment:

N. said...