08 March, 2010

que serra, serra

It's raining cat and dog. And right now I'm all alone. Just got back from campus. Met Papa earlier this morning. He got a meeting at Wangsa Walk Mall. So he drop by to see me. Afterwards I salam him, and hugged him, this time it's a long hug. I felt like crying but, in front of pak guard? With the car engine both of our cars running, and I bet he's late, so I just hold back. And I drive my car, he follows me from behind. At the traffic light he drove past me, and looking at me, through his tinted window, I can almost say that I know what was he's thinking, I wanted to cry, but I hold on, it's dangerous to drive with emotions running high.

Back at campus I just, tahan all the way.

So back here, in front of my laptop. Fell asleep just now. Finally because of exhaustion I think. I slept, and I thought I can run away from everything. Obviously I can't. I dreamt of my past, my past with my dad, and much of the memories that flashes back, I dreamt of her, and little by little it started to fade, I felt so sad, and alone, and I woke up screaming out loud. I screamed a freking 10 seconds scream, and started to cry, as my toilet mate rushing to me.

I don't answer him. I just cried, and cried. And then, he left. Here, I'm alone again. What is this. Why am I crying? Screaming? Am I going crazy?

The first day itself is hard. I thought I can handle it well, but looks like I can't. Now I hate waking up. I don't want to wake up. I hate it when I know this nightmare is not a dream. I hate crying, I hate sobbing, I want to be strong, but I can't. I just want to cry, and to be hugged, to be lied; everything is going to be alright; whatever will be, will be; and this long, keeps ringing through my ear, this que serra serra, make me sobbed and continue to cry.

Que serra, serra;
Whatever will be, will be;
The future's not ours to see;
Que serra, serra;
What will be, will be;

7 comments:

Amal said...

It's alright to cry, man.

saiful aizat said...

but i think i cried too much xD

don't call me doraemon said...

weh ko ok tak?

saiful aizat said...

i'm not lol xD

Deeba Ramly said...

saiful, you still cn count on me if you need someone to talk to. haih. pity you derr. u gotta b STRONG

Deeba Ramly said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Tya Matdiah said...

i don't now how to say this right without making it sound metaphor-ish.
the thing is, the amount of crying we do will never equate the magnitude of hurt we're feeling.
so cry if you want.
it only makes you human.