28 December, 2010


Honestly, there's a lot of positive things to say. A lot. But hell, idk how, but, somehow, I just, didn't post them into this blog. Semua jadi draft, only to be deleted later.

Bila kita rasa life is now finally began to be on your side, until you realized how much that tiny ray of light is just.. a false hope.

Life is really, a bummer.

And kids, remember, to always listen to your doctor, don't skip your breakfast, your lunch, your dinner, your supper, always eat meds, do whatever that fella in those white clothes told you to do so, cause it's always the best for you.

Or else, you'll end up regretting it. Yes, don't fuck with doctors. They can be scary as hell.

I mean, the consequences.

Anyway. I totally screwed up. And my daily life is going spiraling downward I guess. Days without sleep, I can set a new personal record I think if I keep it up to this pace.


It annoys me why I can't go to sleep. Naturally. Plastic sleep is a sleep just to rest your body, emotionally I feel I'm being cheated, the sleeping pills, it doesn't feel, natural at all.

I know I keep bugging about the same thing, again and again and again.

"Aku terjaga pukul 4 tadi doe, tu yang penat tu, takut tak leh mengaja je ni"
"Aku dapat tido pukul 3 tadi, sorry ah."


Senang, get some sleep lah. Pegi baring dekat mana-mana, tutup mata. bla bla bla

Heh, easier said than done. Cubalah! Kalau kau kena insomnia baru kau tau la sial. Cakap memang lah senang. Kalau macam tu punya kacang, takde nye aku nak bising-bising.

Lari, pergi dekat Kancil. Where I can do whatever I want here. The place where respite are granted, place where I can be comforted, even with the slightest effort.

Tried to sleep, but to no avail. Even when your body shows sign of wearing out, but you still can't even take a nap, it annoys you, really. I was so fucking pissed, I felt like crying. Seriously, no joking. And I comfort myself, I can try later this evening, before going to see doctor.

But just when I get back at home, I got some text messages

"Aizat, kau jaga Duta Palms petang ni, dekat sana takde fasi"
"Huh? Important sangat ke? "
"Ala, bekap je la kitorang. Takde fasi dekat sane"
"Aku dengan si K nak keluar jap, ade hal. Amzar tak balik lagi dari Subang"

This. WTF is this. Honestly speaking, this kind of last minutes arrangement really pissed me off, it is damn annoying you have to cancel all sorts of appointment just for the thing yang korang ada hal? Penting sangat ke woi, sampai takde time lain? Aku ada hal jugak lah sial.

Ah fuck. Sukahati lah. Aku dah redha dah. Dah tak larat nak fikir dah. Kalau nak jadi macam ni, so be it. Yes if you think I'm a spoilt brat yang nak bermanja, SO WHAT THE FUCK? I DON'T GIVE A DAMN. Aku dah tak larat tanggung sorang-sorang. Sakit sedih aku jugak, orang apa kesah. Fuck.

Thats when this blog and my kancil comes too. Thanks a lot. Gah. You don't know how awesome you are, blog, kancil. Even when I cursed at you, I rants a lot to you, you don't give a damn. You're just, being there for me. Thanks. Aih.

I felt like crying right now. And my body is aching, like hell.

Got to drive to Ampang now. That's all. Bye.


Anonymous said...

gambatte saiful!
yeah. life can be like hell.
n those insomnia is totally awful.
kalo nak nanges, nanges je. it'll make u feel a lot better. :)
xpn pi kaco org laen yg ngah tido tu. biar depa pn xdpt tdo gak. haha.

Fina Sophie said...

urm, so how is it going by now?

take control of your life, dont let others do it for you okey? :)