18 March, 2011

off to isle of innisfree

so I'm not getting better. And the last thing I need right now is more shites. unfortunately in life, if you are getting lucky, be prepare to get more luck. but if you're in a shit holes, be prepare to get worse.

some people might prefer the more safe road, the "I-don't-want-to-take-any-risk", and just be by themselves, run away from all their responsibility, I have done what I always do, it's up to you to take it or leave it.

if they think they flopped their chance, if they think they were inferior to the other half, they'll just leave it that way, and be like that, or, run.

to whoever chose to run, I mean it, it's a very good choice. you can cover up your guilty or your coward-ness with "It's the best for you" bullshits.

to whoever chooses to continue and be like that, fuck you. Don't you believe to the word "May tomorrow be better than today?" Try be a better fools, you idiot.

to whoever chooses to stay and just try their best, never give up, never feel satisfied with their effort, then I pity you. You have to live with someone that you felt inferior with, someone who is better than you, all your life. You have to listen to their rants, you have to see who they really are, you have to support them when they needed someone, you have to make them feel better. Sanggup? No. No one ever wanted that.

so I should pity myself. getting rewarded is what kept me do good things since I was 3. And I still don't understand, after all bullshits I get I kept on doing good things for what?


Anyway, I can say that I felt better. At least, by a tiny bit. And yeah, I cried when I updated the post "tak faham", because of the physical pain, and the emotional state of mine.

To be honest, I open the phonebook and called the last person I wanted to talk to at that time, the last person I wanted to show how I was at that time. But her name was on the top of the phonebook. I still don't know why I called her.

Anyway thanks Amal. I mean it.

And I should stop blogging about my life, my personal emotions and about me. I should share with you guys about my thoughts, my opinion instead. or my experience. I talked about me more because of obligations, respect, and I should give someone know my condition, even if that fella did not ask me about. And I think I should stop showing my weaker side more, because, I will get worse day by day now. Thanks.

And yes, I should share it with someone. But I did not have one, so I share it on my blog, which have 50 followers with most of them I don't even know, and most of the people that I know, I wish they did not know what I've been going through.

So I'm thinking less talking about my life here. Not anymore. I know, I need to write, I need to draw, I need to express to make myself sane, but this blog, beat the purpose. I felt it is unwise to share everything here.

Eventhough I need to. I guess I'll open another account, and continue rambling, and stop worrying about what people think of me. That will be better, because actually I wanted to share all about me with those people I love, but nah, I guess it's a bad try.

In the end, I guess I'll be that pathetic boy, who don't want to leave his past, his good time, his memories behind, the boy who just wanted to be happy, the boy who don't want to worry about future, that sad boy, who don't want to grow up, to be at the future.

Hell is just a word, reality is much worse.

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