ngilu

bagus. bajet boleh tidor lah kalau kau makan ubat tidor? camne kalau kau bangun lebih kurang 1-2 jam je lepas kau makan ubat tidor tu?

badan kau makin lali dengan ubat tidor? gamaknya.

do I really, really have to satisfy other needs to make my own satisfaction fulfilled ? do I have to sacrifice my own needs to satisfy other's, will it make things better?

will I ABLE to hang on? do you really give a fuck?

guess last week's friday escape wasn't enough. was going to blog about that, but since it's pretty much depressing because i'm fucking alone, and i'm so fucking desperate to do that, and my weekends are so fucked up that i was so fucking down i can't even say i was sane enough at that time, i decided to post something 'honest'.

and god. to think that this whole week is more or less the same. and to think that after a fucked up March i was very hopeful of a very, very, very, normal (not lucky) April,

i was so wrong. this .. sucks. i gave up.

i have to run. i need to run, even if it means i'm going to be alone this weekend. even if i end up somewhere i don't even know, or somewhere i used to cherish my memories (even now) , somewhere where i can gaze the stars, listen to sound of never ending waves, feeling like i was burst by the powerful wind of the sea breeze..

even if it means i'm going to be all by myself.

preparations

follow up post.

okay, i've decided. dear papa mama, i won't going home this weekend. dear abang, happy birthday, but i'm afraid i won't be there to celebrate your birthday. dear kakak, don't be so depressed, abang is going to take you to the national science center this weekend. dear silent readers, please by all mean, don't tell my parents about this.

so i'm going to have a very very long walk. i'm not using kancil. easily recognized. half-way, spotted, i'm dead. i'll be using public transport.

meaning i'll be solely relying on my ipod. going to charge it up, and fill it with endless list of songs.

my backpack will contain.. i don't know. torch light? figure it may take a night or two. t-shirts, shorts, toothbrush.. what else.

shoes? nah, will be using my trusty pair of crocs kot. and shud bring a pair of slippers, just in case.

should i bring charger too? for my handphones? or perhaps i shudnt bring my handphones at all. its not like it's going to ring anyway.

oh my earphone just died. sigh. gonna buy a new one first.

should i bring camera too? will it be my diana, or someone else's ? is adib going to lend me his? going to ask him, but afraid he won't. tsk tsk. dah lah ada flash baru, confirm lah cannot let go. but well, it's gonna be worth to try. i take back my words, dslr does not sucks. :P

but din bringing a dslr is going to pose a greater risk, esp when you're all alone? it'll going to stand out a bit, and i can't risk someone else's camera.. seems like i have to rely on my trusty diana f+!

lessee.. what else? charger for my ipod? meaning i have to bring along my laptop. i guess not, i have to make sure my backpack is light to make myself at ease. this is malaysia, not like other country, where you can backpack with lesser risk of getting robbed. gonna make myself agile a bit, so i can save my energy for my running!

and the most important thing is.. when? idk, i can go today if i really want to.. yes i'm that desperate. it's not like anyone is going to tag along..

more or less. going to google a bit here and there, and make up my mind.