Autopilot/Sappy

"Balik dulu eh Mama?"

"Jaga sikit tidoq tu. Makin teruk tengok raut muka tu. Ubat tu, guna nya untuk makan."

"...."

"Hangpa la yang kena hantaq Mama pi kuboq, bukan Mama yang nak kena hantaq hangpa dulu. Jadi take care of your health."

"..Baik, Mama"

"Live to the fact, feeling regret, guilty,

Words won't comfort you.

Even Pendaflour didn't light me the way,

Seems like I don't really have much choice."

So I was sitting in this, room.

It's a beige wall, with a rectangular window at my right side.

Was sitting on a chair, with head on the table, facing the window

Looking outside.

Looking at the blue sky, white cloud, grey buildings of a city.

I raised my head suddenly,

and saw that person looking at me

smiling.

almost feels like, she's waiting for me to wake up

to see her,

looking at me

I realized, she was there for a long time

staring at me.

As I gazed into her eyes,

Almost against my will,

I started to flash back print-screen like memories

it was a lot,

it was painfully pain,

it was delightful,

it was memorable,

it was gay,

but it was sad

all at the same time

The flashes continue, without my willingness,

Deliberately between those .5 sec flashes, I see her face again,

Again, another flash

Again, her smile

Again, another agony,

Again, her warmness.

and again, and again.

Continues, as if you watches all your live since day 500, till day 1000

in a matter of minutes.

Every moment, picture-like taken,

Every moment, without fail.

And again, and again, and again.

Until one moment, your soul finally, and suddenly pulled back into your body,

the body, felt a sudden shock

rocked the body, like a thunderbolt.

your eyes open widely,

searching for a clue

searching for something,

that explains, everything

only to find nothing,

and you, there, alone.

painfully, heavily breathing,

all sweating, hands shaking

fear, guilt, all come over

you.. feel horrible.

slowly walked through the darkness,

dragged feet down the stairs,

and upstairs,

throwing your glance outside the window,

only to feel jealous of everyone,

of, nothing.

and to recall what really happened,

only to feel horrible, sad,

and,

pain.

-autopilot/sappy-