my love.

This is a story, about my love. She's my first love. It was when I was 5 y.o, this is some of the thing I remembered about her.

It was one morning, I was bored, so I switched on the television, when I saw an event is going on. Perodua Kancil was being launched at that time. I was 4 kot, a year before I enrolled into my tadika.

I remember, one night, after Maghrib prayers, we used to sit down at my parents' bed and chat a bit here and there. We talked about all sorts of things, one of the most I remembered is the Anwar case, in 97 if I'm not mistaken, I heard my dad cakap,

"Nanti tak lama lagi Anwar kena lah tu"

"Ala, tapi kakak suka cara dia,"

"Kenapa?" I asked

"PM tak suka cara dia,"

Or something like that. Well, a year later he was arrested, and reformasi took place. The whole country was somewhat in turmoil, just because he was unfairly treated. Injustice took place, peoples, everywhere are upset, international media quickly started to focused more on our homeland.

Anyways, other than that one night, I remembered one night, my mom, she said wanted to drive again. She's started to worried that they have to rely on Pak Tam's help if my dad's going outstation. He's started going outstation like, every week? So mom wanted to drive. If I'm not mistaken lah.

So one Sunday morning, my dad took us to a Sunday Car Carnival.. or something like that. After quite sometimes choosing a car, and I randomly walk, woooing most of the car there (yes, I started to like cars when I was 3-4?) and I stop at this one car, a white Kancil. Somehow, I just, like the car.

My dad agreed to buy this car, which my mom don't really like. Because, this Kancil was already kitted, starting from front bumper, to the side, and to the back of the car. She's kinda reluctant to drive, she said she's not that young anymore. That car is soo, not her. But, my dad insist to buy that car, not because of me, duh. But because, she came with a double-digit plat number. NAN 14. It was quite a bargain, at least for me and my dad. Anyway, we come back home and, I don't know when, until one day, if I'm not mistaken only the next Saturday, the Kancil arrived at my house.

I still remember the night we sent the driver that drive the Kancil to our house home, the radio, the aircond, the small space inside the car, I was very excited, and the only thing I regret that day is that, I fell asleep half way on the journey.

Back then, when my parents came back from work, my mom would drove the Kancil around my housing area. She used to drive, a volvo back then. But something happens, and she quit driving. And never recover. So she started to drive again. 5 years tak drive kot. She drove alone, so I'll always saw the Kancil from my house, (our house was on top of a hill) disappearing. Almost every evening. But she never really drive outside, to her workplace. It was when in 2000, when we moved to Rawang, only then she drove to her workplace, because she have to. She drove a Proton Wira 2000 model. LHDN car.

The first time I drove this car, is when I was 6. Hahahaha. Well not really drive, but still handling the car about 5 minutes is long for a kid, I mean, it was lama jugaak lahh. Pak Tam let me handle the steering while he control the pedal, obviously I tak sampai nak pijak. We were on our way to pick up my bro. Arriving at SKSHAS, he took our picture in front of the car, the picture I'll always carry around, until now pun.

Pak Su also brought a Kancil, a red Kancil, one or two years later. Mainly because he sold his Mini Austin, to a Mini enthusiast, and the other reason is the birth of my cousin, Ilyasa. He later placed skirting, a bit different from ours, but you know why lah, because it really looks good on our Kancil. Pak Tam also brought one. A white Kancil, too. But I still felt attached to mine.

I forgot when was the Kancil being sold to my mom's older sister, Ngah.

I hate her. She never took care of that Kancil. I heard, she never service the car, tak elak lopak, yada yada. I was very, very, very upset, that my mom actually SOLD the car to her, the fact that she never really bayar for that car, added the fuel to the spark ignited earlier. I insist that we must brought her back. We did, but, my mom have to pay for it, actually we pays more that what she paid us earlier. And my mom never really talks about it. She always get away, most of my uncles, my aunts usually get away with whatever shits they throw at my mom. And my mom, never complaint.

I remember, the day the Kancil is back at my house, this time at Rawang. It's for my sister use, she's at MMU at that time, taking FCM. I remembered the first time she turned on the aircond, ants were blew inside of the car! The radio never work again, and the suspension failed, the car was superbly dirty, I was upset, to the point that I cried. She used to failed a lot, that Kancil. And still, I guess. She used to turned 320 degree, stopped in the middle of highway, the meter failed, the battery dead, and all sorts of shits.

And she's still here. She's old now, for a car. And for a car, she was very special to me. I was very very reluctant to give other people to drive. Well not like people wanted to drive, but if there is, I was very reluctant, I am still reluctant. I afraid, people will complain, this and that. It was never a comfortable ride inside my Kancil. So I was very afraid if people wanted to ride with me. Afraid, they'll never have any good experience with my Kancil.

You see, my Kancil don't usually served me as a car. The fact that I abuse her, whenever I felt that I was alone, is still there. I'm still doing it. Sitting in that Kancil, during rain, during night time, when I felt like crying. I always thought that, she's like, comforting me. Every time.

And she never left me, she'll never leave me.