tunggu sekejap.

bila kau dihidupkan, harapan aku tinggi menggunung. melangit.
bila aku memacu engkau, deruan kau ku dengar ibarat lolongan.
pekikan.
tangisan.
bila aku menyerang setiap lekok itu, badan mu meronta, ke kiri ke kanan.
bila aku memaksa kau perlahan, kepala kau mengeleng, seolah ingin terus,
melontarkan perasaan,
amarah,
sedih.
pilu.

aku terkesan.
kau kini lebih tulus, lebih telus mengeluarkan emosi kau.
aku?

macam biasa. ke laut.

bila suara kau terpekik, terlolong,
aku hampir menitiskan air mata.
cuma, emosi aku,

macam biasa. ke laut.

jiwa kau mungkin berbeza.
tapi, engkau masih engkau.
engkau lah tempat aku melarikan diri dari setiap terkaman kejam semua orang.

engkau sajalah yang aku ada, yang aku mampu pergi.

jadi, tunggu sekejap.

how does it feels?

i was wandering in the rain,
mask of life, feeling insane.
swift and sudden fall from grace,
sunny days seems far away.

kremlin's shadow belittling me,
stalin's tomb won't let me be.
on and on and on it came,
wish the rain would just let me be.

how does it feels?

when you're alone, and cold inside?
like a stranger in moscow.

p/s i think this might be how i'd define me to myself. tho i'd introduce myself as me that i'm supposed to be to everyone else. not anyone.

not even anyone.

i'm going where the cold wind blows.

oh, the guilt

She seems to think
She seems too weak
She takes a week to get over it

She likes the sea
She likes to see
She likes to think she has all of it

She likes the sound
She likes the sand
She likes to stand, she can't afford to sit

She likes to be
She likes to be
She likes to be
She's into guilt
Guilt
Guilt
Guilt

She likes to think
she likes to drink
She seems too weak, she takes all the rent

She likes the time
she owns the time
She borrows time she has to self-invent

She seems too weak
she likes to see
She likes to think she has all of it

She likes the sand
she likes to stand
She likes to sit
she likes to guilt
Guilt
Guilt
Guilt

(Guitar solo)

She seems to think
She seems to breath
She takes a week to get over it

She likes to see
She likes the sea
She likes to think she has all of it

She likes the Sand
She likes the Sand
She likes to stand she cant afford to sit

She likes to be
She likes to be
She likes to be
She likes to guilt
Guilt
Guilt
Guilt

p/s; best ada banyak muka ni.

losing

aih sad sad! baru pikiaq kancil aku dah revive balik, dia dah kembali ke bengkel. sedih, gila. wa tak tipu.

baru wa ingat nak mengadu domba time otw pi johor nt.

sebut pasal johor, ade ke convo hari isnin? tak pepasal bapak aku tak pegi sebab dah ada appointment dgn PM. bila papa tak pi, mama pun tak pi lah. bila convo ari bekerja, satu keluarga aku tak mai. terbaik an?

convocation aku punya gambaq, gambaq aku sorang. takpun dengan member-member aku.

FOREVER ALONE GUY REPORTING IN! (u_u)>

p/s : angin bertiup kencang dekat tingkat 14, memang buat aku tergoda. x)

strike 3, batter out!

it's 3. and i still can't sleep. and tomorrow is monday. i mean, today. such a cold night. last night was awesome. i think today's gonna be great too, cept with the fact that i have to get ready at 6. sigh. 

oh and a cute ahmoy confessed at me today! lol. she sed she still had crushed on me from standard six. ahhh good ol days. days where boys always wanted to please her while me, like always, the anarchy. lol. well idk what makes her had this crush, and that crush can go hold on for that long too. well tho, she has a boyfriend too. it made it look so awkward. nvm. she's in leeds pun btw. no point nak think about it punn. eh i should've said that she has a boyfriend so i shouldn't think about it kan? terbalik? LOL.

anyway, pegi la mamps dia jap, i just wanna say that i'm excited about my edith! she's coming back in a week! lama lagi but i'm already sexcited. eventho baru 3 hari she's gone, i feel like it's almost 3 years. so long mang. 

ahh i shud go to sleep. still in raya mood too. sigh. 

night with 'glow in the darks'

is it just me or there seems to be A LOT of blog using food names now? deng, should i change my belog name already? or my email? sigh.

Hey Love

Aku baru dapat berita gembira tadi. Okay, maybe aku tak leh nak tunjuk betapa sexcited nya aku sekarang ni sbb, well, in any way korang baca pun all you guys can see is a wall of words.

oh well.

saya akan ke johor. skudai. ye, untuk graduasi. aku akan berada di sana pada 22hb, untuk mengambil jubah. jadi i was thinking whether i'll be going on 21st evening/night or, 22nd morning. I'm planning right after work, terus pergi skudai, and will be there until graduation day, on 25th.

the journey will take more or less 4-5 hours, of a long, tiring journey, with a shaking old car, it will be uncomfortable and bumpy ride i'll reckon. though it'll be alright with me, and i think i'm gonna enjoy the journey..

huh, where's the good news? heee.

because i'm driving my kancil! <3 papa asked me earlier tonight, on how am i going to go to skudai later on 22nd, and he agreed to repair my kancil. okay i know it's been thousand times i said "finally my kancil is going to be repaired mfufufu" or something, but this time, i bet it's gonna be reeeaaalll. Unless papa want me to drive the mini... hm.

so anyway, raise your hand if you want to tag along! >_< it will be cramp a bit i think. it's still a kancil :)

here we go.

i really don't know how to start this. i was thinking maybe a "dear diary i'm very sorry" or "i've been neglecting you a lot" or maybe just a hi. it's not that nothing happens to me, tho in fact, a lot happened. 

working right now, graduating end of september, holiday, raya, puasa, merdeka.. and holiday before puasa. and pd. 

you know i was very stupid when i said last year i think i can't go down anymore because i thought things are at their worst, and it should start getting better, but it did not. so i'm not going to be such a dumbass to write this, but this year, sucks. suckier than last year. last year was better. at least i've got Penang. and PD. and it was not until this may or june or july i only knew what i believe since last year, was all bullshits.

and it's not helping me at all. 

last year i remember that raya was a bit happier, a bit more happening compared to this year. sorry, i mean, a lot. i didn't even send any single soul selamat hari raya. thus i'm taking this opportunity to say that i'm really sorry, and i'd be happier if i send raya greeting, even if it's via sms. lagilah kad raya. sigh.

i finished my study at utm on may. or wassit june? idk. i kinda missed the campus life to be honest. free, studying in kl, hanging around with friends, dinner with friends, yada yada.. it was fun, really, really fun. but funny things tho, right now, working, earning money on your own effort, i felt that i wouldn't want to stop. hell, if there's a vacancy for permanent position, maybe i'll grab it. 

plus, when you're working, all of your energy is focused on your works, and you spent more time with papers and casses than your family, and your laptop, or your handphone. work, have become a distraction. a good distraction, away from what i think as my harsh unacceptable life. 

well at least last year teaches me not to put your hopes high enough, because the higher you place your hope, the lower you'll be once it started to eat you up. again.

i mean i don't know why i still continue to put my faith in the same thing that betrayed me over and over and over again. would you put yours at something or someone that has repeatedly cheating you? have you ever had the heart to start believing again, not once, but countless time? and that's not even metaphorically. i bet once you feel cheated, you'll stop believing and start moving on, why bother at things that you can't trust anymore right?

also, i learnt to stop thinking that i'll find a really good friend, or close friend, or buddies, or whatever. frankly, everyone will leave you eventually, it's just a matter of time. so i'd better start labelling my friends as colleague, or classmates, or whatever. maybe that's a safer choice. i think. 

last year thought me to be a pessimist. well for a pessimist, i'm pretty optimist now. 

at least this year i can blew off my steam with some fictions, though i can't see when i'm going to write again, same goes to this blog, as i'm working right now. 

and at least this year's ramadhan was.. special, compared to last year. 

yesterday, i was typing half way when somebody called me, so we chatted a bit, and after consulting and asking her opinions, she said it'd be better if i kept it to myself. maybe. so i scraped it in the draft folder. tho i had a perfect title for it; stranger things have happened to me.

i don't know what else to talk about. oh and my kancil.. same old story. budget for her treatment will go to my bro's car or my sis's car, or my mum's i think. i feel like crying to be honest, i can't do a thing for her eventho she's been helping me, she's there to help me or whatever, when i was down, when i was sad, when people lied to me, when.. whatever. you guys get the idea right? it's the same thing over and over again.

this year, if everything goes well, i'll go to edinburgh. maybe after that to paris or spain. with my own money. so i should stop complain about work and start to gather all my strength and energy, and start doing work nicely. 

it's funny, seeing how i treated august as my last month of the year and september where life started again.